Talk:Douglas Merle Randall/@comment-30530552-20170528021042

Alright, so since this has been here awhile, allow me to take a look here.

CNR is okay.

Appearance is okay, though the "Huntsman Armor" title is a little misleading, given that there's no armor mentioned. Either way, that's okay. A question, however: when's his birthday? For him to be a second year student and be 17, he needs a year end birthday, just so you're aware. As for his olfactory sense...eh, I'm not really sure he could have that, since it could possibly be considered an extra Faunus trait. I'd recommend just saying he has a good sense of smell, and not mention the Wolf Faunus relation to it.

Personality is okay.

Backstory, while it screams the stereotypical "angsty wolf Faunus" to me, there's nothing inherently wrong with it, so good on you. Besides, I've worked with it too, so I'd be hypocrtical of me to ding you for it. However, I would recommend doing a little trimming since typical backstory length is 3-5 paragraphs, and most reviewers don't like excessively long backstories. Me, I'm okay with it, even if it is a hassle to read through.

Weapon, I have a question...how much Dust does he carry on him? It's great that you have high level of detail on it, but I feel like you decided to do too much with it. Perhaps reducing the number of Dust types could work, because with as much Dust as he seems to use, it'd be a great deal to keep track of. Might just be me being picky, though. Additionally, I'm not sure how I feel about the effects of the Earth Dust projectiles either. Oh, and Dust crystals typically seem to hold a greater deal of power, so that's a bti contradictory.

Semblance works well enough.

All in all, I'd simply recommend a few pretty minor changes and you should be good to go. :P

-Rejected for now based on: Lack of a defined birth date (necessary for Backstory acceptability), questionable olfactory sense capabilities, and questionable Dust capabilities with the longbow.

~RP Moderation Team~

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