Thread:Taki-Tan/@comment-30202748-20170416202632/@comment-29264888-20170424062559

Okay. Here's what I think of it now:

Appearance: 

(For some reason, by reading just the first section of the appearance, it made me think of this: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/897/576/ce1.jpg)

But again, I have nothing major to say about this part. There's nothing that needs to be questioned.

Although, you didn't mention his weight. Maybe you can add it?

Also, I am going to say that I'm feeling really picky at the moment. It understand what's being said in this section, but I'm getting the itchy feeling of fixing it all up because of how its all worded.

And would you look at that, I did do it:

'' Niro is a male faunus measuring 6'2ft in height and ??? in weight. He has blue-gray eyes and short brown hair that is either brushed to the side or slicked back. In addition, his overall visage can be described as handsome: An angular face with semi-high cheekbones that give him slightly gaunt cheeks. ''

''Due to the stress that has accumulated over time, Niro's overall appearance has somewhat oldened, giving him an appearance of a man in his late twenties to early thirties. A five o' clock also appears on his face, and is a rare occurrence to see it shaved.''

''Niro's can be physically described as healthy and ???. Despite his appearance, he is quite strong, encompassing a toned and defined physique. While not too heavy-set - being somewhat naturally thin - he does have something in terms of sheer muscle mass, possessing a light and noticeably lean muscular build. A fair number can be found located around his body, past reminders of what happens when trying too hard to help others. ''

''Niro has good posture that gives an impression of composure, making him easily approachable despite being a smartass. However, this sense of compsure can quickly give away to intimidation and forcefulness. ''

I rearranged things. The details are still there, but yeah.

I know you said you would reword things yourself, but I wanted to. It felt fragmented when I read it aloud. I couldn't sit here and leave it as is, knowing how it sounded.

If you want me to tell you how it was reworded, I'll explain step by step.

But until then, onto the next one.

Clothing:

Again, clothing is up to you. You're not trying to be too unique, so I don't have much to say.

Personality:

So much grammar mishaps... :P

I can understand what you're trying to go for though.

I do have a problem with your explanation of how he's selfless. Helping others fight back the grimm at the Battle of Beacon is not an example of selflessness; it's an example of fighting to survive. If you want an example of selfless, be a little more specific. What did he exactly do?

For example, instead of simply trying to save his own skin from the grimm, he risked his life to save some endangered people. Maybe even further explain this risky action by saying that after saving them from grimm, he personally escorted the group to safety. And to further that, maybe he even took an injury for one of them.

(I'll continue the rest soon. For now, you can talk about this if you want.)