Talk:Corvus Dorifutā/@comment-24678303-20150513170802

Allow me to go further in depth with a review than Tsu did.

(meaning i typed this up yesterday and didn't have a chance to post it till today.)

I’ll start off by saying WOW this is pretty edgy. Not really part of the review, just sayin.

Anyway, first thing that I noticed while going through here was his weight, which said including wings. So, I went down to go through the Appearance first and say that he does, in fact, have wings. Now, down in the Abilities section, he clearly states he can fly. This is not allowed. Last time I checked, bird Faunus can have feathers on them (having the feathers mixed in with their hair is the most common usage), but they can’t have full wings and/or be able to fly.

Moving back to Personality, he seems really clichéd, almost unneededly so. While it’s not necessarily a bad thing per say, but the way you wrote it makes me think of nothing but that edge. I just can’t exactly see him being successful in any sort of team environment. Again, it’s not against the rules, but it does put me off quite a bit to see characters like this.

I’ve already gone over the wings above in the Appearace, so I don’t need to repeat myself on that matter, but I am getting the feeling you’re going for a sort of “Angel of Death” vibe here. There’s just a lot here that makes me cringe pretty hard.

The backstory seems about as clichéd as the rest of this, to be perfectly honest. Happy life, wild bad guys appear, shit turns serious, Grimm attack, lone survivor, revenge. Besides which, if they tore through the city as fast as they did, I think a Faunus flying off would attract some attention, especially if he had a ton of Negative Feeling that he’s sure to have had, given that everyone he knew and loved is now dead. He would be a flying Grimm magnet at this point. Next, he spent three years alone, surviving off stealing from shops using his Semblance. Because a human with wings is SO hard to spot. Then he…Fell asleep while flying? Sorry, but that’s not how it works. If a bird were to fall asleep while in flight, it would plummet to the ground and die, I sincerely doubt a bird faunus is any different. Then, naturally, he started at a combat school he smacked into a window found just so he could help people not ‘turn out like him’.

Moving down to weapons, that rifle is very vague in its description with almost not sort of specifications, but is rendered OP with the line ‘...used for assassination or long ranged one hit kills.’ Unless this one hit kill is on, say, a rodent or a VERY small low level Grimm, this is not alright.

Same thing for the pistols. Usually, handguns are only good for Close to Mid-Range and aren’t that heavy hitting. You can’t have it only have two rounds where one KOs someone and the other outright kills them.

As for the Semblance…No. I’m not sure about rulings in regards to making something intangible, but making it so he can dodge strikes would be filed under “auto-dodging”. As for something being made with or infused with Aura, that’s not a thing. It’s been explicitly stated that Aura is only on beings with Souls, such as humans, animals or, in one particular case, an Android. Aura can’t be manufactured, used to build things, or otherwise be implanted into inanimate objects.

The stats seem pretty well balanced, actually, so kudos for that. In the Trivia, it says he kept the pistols, but they bring back depressing memories? It seems like he’s PURPOSEFULLY doing this to himself.

Rejected.

~RP Moderation Team~