Talk:Gavin Redgrave/@comment-30530552-20170524220441

Let's have a look, shall we?

First things first, CNR. That seems all good, considering as it is derived from Gwalchgwyn, in which gwalch would refer to the hawk and gwyn being white. For future reference on your characters, linking where you got sources can save a lot of time for us reviewers, but it was easily found.

Personality's all good.

Backstory, we have a couple issues here. What exactly is this group? You've been pretty vague about it, so a short description or--at the very least a name--would've helped greatly, and I feel that's in order. There's also the matter of his attendance at Beacon, because the way you've portrayed him so far, he's alone...who is team, and where were they in relation to him? At the very least, a mention of the team he's on is needed.

Additionally, I would like to point out the length of your backstory. While I myself am fine with reasonably long and detailed backstories, other reviewers tend to not like reading that amount of content, as it's a great amount of detail to sift through. Ideal length is usually around 4 paragraphs, but like I said, this in itself, for me, is not a rejectable issue. However, if you get another reviewer next time around, I would suggest trimming it down so that you get more general descriptions of their past, and leave the rest for roleplay purposes, possibly on a separate page after acceptance.

Weaponry, while the weapons are not rejectable, I would like to mention that his fighting style, which you note is based more on agility and speed, contradicts the usage of a greatsword. Not rejectable, just something to note.

Semblance is all good to go. You've got a decent level of restriction to its capabilities, described its function well, and the timing for it makes sense. Might I suggest Glue Gun as a name? Until you made that comparison at the end there, that was the first thing going through my head.

Overall, you've got a solid start for a first character. Just make a few changes, and you should be good to go on whatever it is you're doing with him. Keep it up, and welcome to the Wiki!

-Rejected on - Semi-vague affiliation with an undescripit group as well a lacking mention of his team. Additionally, backstory trimming is highly reccommended.

~RP Moderation Team~

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