Board Thread:News and Events/@comment-24296957-20141130191712/@comment-17970636-20141202030737

Alright boi. Let's take a look at dis.

Akasma Spia

Now, you state that he hails from faunus territory, that means he would be coming from Vacuo, perhaps that ought to be stated, but nothing too major.

Slight confusion within the backstory. Again, going back to where you said he's from Faunus territory, but also that he was from a militaristic family. Now knowing whether Vacuo has a military or not, I'll leave that bit alone.

He joined the white fang and quickly rose through the ranks in popularity. That would mean that Adam would have taken notice of him, seeing as he's the leader of the White Fang. Now, although there is no direct fanon-canon relationship, it can be assumed or alluded to. It isn't a glaring error, just a suggestion.

Now, faking his own death, alright. Taking the man's signatures and then applying for Beacon with them by using a previous Signal student's papers? Now, it doesn't state here whether or not he killed the student and then applied using the man's signatures. Assuming there are databases (and I wouldn't be surprised if there were) for things such as signatures, it would mean that he not only killed and applied using a dead person's papers, but he plagarised another person's papers, making him a bigger fugitive than Blake Belladonna. Elaboration is required here.

The fact that he uses his life as his teachings could allude to his illegal activities and end up in him disclosing his past life. Now, again, this is just a suggestion, not a major glaring error.

Now, he has a split personality but you don't state on how it affects him fully. What do I mean by this? You state "usually when he's in combat or angry". The split persona's personality isn't fully explained and neither are his policies as well as philosophies. This can cause some confusion when reading the page and should most definitely be elaborated on. Consider making a separate sub-heading for this.

His semblance makes sense, but doesn't elaborate on how the damage is halved. Does he retain his speed, but his strength is decreased? Elaboration is required.

Do not know whether aura can suspend things as he does with his weapons. Consider removing or changing.

Now, this is a very well made a deep character, however, due to noticing more than a few errors...

Rejected.