User blog comment:Tuckapenguin/What?/@comment-13488655-20130814055514/@comment-1618120-20130814102132

I'll review it, I'm actually quite good.

I quite like the backstory but it's a bit of a cliché that he gets taken after his town is destroyed. You might need to work on this.

The thing that troubled me was the Weapons and Abilities. You need to be able to explain how he got dust at quite a young age. Also, he seems really over powered in a way. At 17, he's already good at martial arts and is skilled at swordplay and is able to clone copies. You might need to either put down Skilled Swordsman a little bit or Master Martial Arts, because that would be way too OP. Temp or not, I think the cloning ability is a little over the top with the RWBYverse espicially for a 17 year old. Mental Assualt Deflection, he can deflect things with his mind? I know he's smart but for a 17 year old? You almost make it seem that he can catch criminals easily. But anyways, you may need to improve of these techniques and skills they seem to impossible for a 17 year old to have.

His personality is quite alright my only problem at the moment is it doesn't fit his backstory. You can't be calm after your city is destroyed, the people you knew and the friends you had, you must be wanting revenge. You could improve this however by saying that he acts calm but is ticked off after hearing the destruction of his town.