Talk:Payne Sivale/@comment-27743663-20161224200614

I'mma just drop this off here for starters.

http://rwbyfanon.wikia.com/wiki/Guidelines

Since there's a looooooooooot of things wrong with the character. To be blunt they're practically a Mary Sue. Which is largely frowned upon heavily for several reasons. That aside, onto the actual review itself.

CNR checks out.

Appearance is fine, though why are you measuring bullet cartridges in milligrams? Even if it's Dust, that doesn't make much sense.

Personality is fine, is rather barebones.

Backstory is a no for several reasons. A). While rich character's are allowed, someone of his level of prestige shouldn't really be fanon since with that level of influence that crosses into Fanon-Canon interaction with the world. B). Assuming his teachers are all fully trained Huntsman, I'm going to call Bull on him, still a child since it wouldn't be signal age, able to outsmart and outfight them. C). Getting into fights is fine, but correcting the teachers? I doubt he knows more than them on a subject they've studied on likely for a good amount of their lives. D). From Mantle to Signal to Haven is...the oddest swapping you could possible do, though this isn't rejectable. It's just a note, since he'd from the Atlas continet, to then Vale, to then Mistral. That's like living in China than going to America for Highschool then heading over to France for College. It's just odd and inconveient.

Weapon is fine.

Skills isn't. He's noted to be 17, yet somehow mastered a multitude of martial arts that should take years. Years which he wouldn't have if he began training at a normal age. This also applies to the Grimm anatomy. Knowing the weakness of every Grimm possible and being able to take on any himself is a large no, and a laughable attempt. If it was that easy and convenient, everyone would do it.

Semblance, I would avoid measurements like that. Particularly milliliters, since it tends to just make things messy. It's somewhat of a redundant semblance though, since if you want elemental effects you could just actively weave it into his clothes, but eh. I digress.

Tl;dr

Rejected on:

- Fanon-Canon crossing

- Skill doesn't match age, over-powered in fields he shouldn't be because once again age, and pretty much Mary-Sueing

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