Board Thread:News and Events/@comment-27603392-20140704110526/@comment-25291880-20140901002946

Second OC Review: Character: Sirce Marion

Reviewer: ElectricEnder222

I'll do this in sections:

Appearance: Sirce's outfit says a lot about her. Her green and brown clothing definitely hints she's a forest girl, as well as tough, strong, and not too girly. Her scar is also a nice addition to signify her rough past and her personality seems to go well with her outfit. All in all, nothing wrong here, as usually, appearances don't have a profound effect on the OC itself.

Personality: Sirce is not the kind of girl to mess with, evident by only a few sentences. I like how you portray the character in ways of how she looks at the world, and who she really is inside. Her hard personality is acceptable because of her history, and her rude and mocking attitude is also understandable because of her father's neglect and ignorance to properly raise a child. She seems to shun others away, and loves to pickpocket. However it doesn't say in the history where she learned where to do this, so I suggest adding it because it's become etched in her subconscious to do it all the time. I also want to point out that her deeming relationships 'disgusting' needs to be explained, as I can't find anywhere in the history that would back up this idea.

History: Sirce was born to an infamous loan-shark, whom many people hated. She has an interesting backstory, and I enjoyed reading about how her father usually left her alone and abandoned, but I do want to point out that he didn't always abandon her, as he gave her gifts. (But I do understand the 'not loving her' part) And what was her nanny's name? Did the two get along well, or did Sirce hate her guts? Did the nanny teach her anything about life, or did she ignore Sirce like everyone else? It would be good to add these details into her past.

At age fourteen, while at the library, Sirce was at the library when the mansion was overrun by a bunch of angry mobs. How did she get kicked out from her home, let alone survive the attack? As I predict that the raging townspeople didn't like Sirce either. This part of the history seems to lack some details. When the police came, why didn't they take her away? This part confused me as she was technically a minor. While she was in the forest, it states she survived by teaching herself how to hunt and fight, but where did she learn how to do this? Did she just learn on instinct, or did she learn in the past?

I like the part about the hidden vault. In fact, I liked her whole backstory in general. But several things need to be cleared up, especially about her getting accepted into Beacon. Until it's explained how she learned how to fight, I don't know how she could be skilled enough to get into a world-renowned fighting school. Yes, it is possible for people to get in even when they didn't attend a school like Signal or Sanctum, but it is extremely rare, as stated by Ozpin in Episode 2 of Volume 2.

Weapons and Abilities: Nothing wrong with the weapon as far as I can tell. It's very well written and explains the dynamics easily. The only thing I would like to see is some of her weapon's disadvantages, besides the fact that the blades need to be sharpened. Other than that, however, it's creative and cool.

Her abilities section is a little bit small, but explains her strengths well enough so I could get a basic understanding of them. Being a sniper, Sirce has to have good aim, and I like that she's quick and nimble. I would suggest adding some weaknesses to this section of the article, like she isn't physically strong or that she doesn't work well with her teammates. Both weaknesses and strengths make up an OC and it's important to add both. Her semblance flows well with her weapon and her way of fighting but nobody can remain completely calm when in a Grimm Fighting situation. And how long does it take for her to use this semblance, as well as how long she has to wait before she can use it again?

Grammer: Like I said in my other post, it's important to look over your article to make sure that all grammer and spelling mistakes are fixed. I found a couple, nothing big, and they didn't get in the way of my reading that much, but you should still try and fix them.

Section: Personality: "Pickppocketing is one of the habit she can never drop." Needs to be "Pickpocketing is one of the habits she can never drop."

Section: Personality: "She deems relationship" needs to be "She deems relationships."

Section: Abilities: "Her reflex is fast enough she only takes seconds..." Needs to be "Her reflex is fast enough to take only seconds to..."

Conclusion: Sirce Marion is a very interesting character that I enjoyed reading about, especially her weapon and backstory. However, I found trouble with some plot-holes in her story, as well as the fact her abilites section needs to be more fleshed out.

-Because of the reasons above, Rejected.

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