Thread:JayHart/@comment-26191672-20150724213341/@comment-25857155-20150724220521

Woah, ok. This must be rough - every time you change something, it's like the same number of issues pop up again. XD

First, your grammar and spelling got worse. Also, you could use more detail... but a lot of that will come with time. Don't rush too much, it makes your work sloppy.

Second, the semblance - it sounds like it makes him unstoppable unless someone uses Dust, in which case he gets one-shotted. Balance it. A lot. Take a look at Mauve Brennie and her semblance if you want some tips, or some of my other accepted characters.

Ok, better balance on his physical abilities, though you (misspelled evasive - I mean, ah - ) confused me a bit with "uses evasive and defensive attacks." I think what you mean is "relies on his ability to dodge rather than block, as his arm strength is lacking" or something to that extent. Also note that a lance is better suited to stabbing, as opposed to (for example) a halberd, which is meant for slashing. Not to say it cannot slash; it is just not well suited for it.

Ahhhh you made your weapon even more confusing now. An AMR (anti-material rifle) is quite different from an anti-matter rifle. AMRs actually exist in our world, for starters. If you are set on making the weapon use energy-ammunition, make it Dust powered or something, or give him a semblance that creates projectiles instead of what he has now. (I might suggest something that uses Aura to create projectiles, but no such thing has been seen in canon, and I have seen several related ideas get rejected.)

Hrm. Better on the backstory, but... more questions. Why the hell did someone as important as ironwood help a random Faunus kid he (as far as we know) had never met before? Also, giving a character an important relationship with a canon character is a big risk that I would strongly advise against, especially for your first RP character.

One more thing. I was looking at your pictures (good job on the gallery btw), and have to ask - how is he supposed to hold that bow? It looks.... awkward, and the third limb seems to just kind of be there at the top with no visible purpose.

So... improved, yes, but still needs work. Take your time, and keep working at it. =)