Thread:ZackOJ/@comment-26362067-20160505161811/@comment-26362067-20160511160001

Well, right off the bat, there's two things that are wrong:

First, the Semblance. The reviewers will most likely see it as summoning, especially since it fights on it's own. Summoning is not allowed.

Second, her history. Technically, all Semblances are unique to the individual, except for hereditary ones like the Schnee Glyph Semblance, so there are no real "rare" Semblances.

Also, this part doesn't make any sense: " Her family always wanted her to go to Haven academy but she had her heart set on Beacon. Indi had to prove herself to her mother that she wanted her father's finale wish was what she wanted to do."

Not to mention, having her fight a suit of armor to prove herself is a direct rip-off of canon. (Proving herself is the reason the White Trailer happened, as told by the RWBY manga)

In fact, the whole backstory is a headache to read. Mind separating the first two paragraphs more? I can't discern anything else without my head spinning.

Also, having her be one of the top three fighters at Beacon... God-modding/OP. I once tried to do the same type of thing with Ember Maerts, and got rejected because of it.

And like I told Zack: Expand on her personality. There's no depth to her character. You also have an unfinished sentence: "After her father's death" - Where are you going with this?

You should also put in a Trivia section, where you state the meaning of her name.

Also, try to state things more clearly. It's hard to tell what you're saying half the time.