Talk:The Man In Black/@comment-25924729-20200219081520

Alright, ill be honest.... ive put off looking at this character for a while, just because the concept alone makes it look very bad and a very good mindset, plus ton of work would be needed to fairly review it. Sorry for the wait. But now looking at the character, it isnt as bad as i first thought.

Appearance and personality are edgy, but nothing objectively wrong or rejectable about that,

Backstory is the biggest issue i have with this page. Its incrediblly hard to read when written in first person poetry like that. Please remember when writing this youre making an informative character profile. Information should be made extractable and understandable by readers in as short and concise a manner as possible, with litle ambiguity, exaggeration or too much flowery prose. I advise you to revise and rewrite that entire section keeping that in mind, you should look at samples of other people's OC profiles to know how we usually do it here, or visit the Discord server.

That being said, ive tried to read and make sense of it. The facts that are present seem relatively normal for OCs on this site. Orphaned as a kid, abused so ran away from orphanage, stood up to a bully and got saved by an old huntsman who trained him, met his wife and helped save her kid hen got married.... all normal stuff, if you wrote that in a better way i would have accepted it.

From what i understand he's also made a family and spent several years of his life towards the end as a bounty hunter? More details about that eriod would be appreciated, right now it kinda just ends awkwardly at "He found a wife", with no mention of what happened next.

Onto his abilities... weapon is actually fine. Semblance is a little vague in terms of details and limits but with quite severe restrictions i dont think it ill be overpowered, is not a problem. He does look like he knows a lot of martial arts but as a fighter myself and having asked other experts, 8 martial arts in 40 years of training, with some of them being silimar enough that skills can translate over seem plausible. You really dont need to explain in detail what each MA is though, adds a lot of unecessary length to the page and its a bit jarring to see real world references like Bruce Lee mentioned. Short descriptions or even just mentioning he knows a style would be fine.

CNR checks out, no other issues in trivia section. the only thing that really needs fixing is the backstory, otherwise.... like i said, the page looks imposing, but not as bad as expected and isnt beyond saving.

Rejected,

If you have any questions please DM me on Wikia or Discord

~RP Moderation team~