Board Thread:News and Events/@comment-27603392-20140704110526/@comment-15792134-20140902064630

You know what, I spend to much time just staring at the wiki. I oughta make my staring helpful.

I will be reviewing Crystal Nelde.

The Good: Her personality is very well put together. Being such a shelled up individual makes her role as a team leader surprising. But, given her backstory. I can completely understand why she is the way she is. Her backstory makes her personality completely understandable and seems fairly accurate. Very well done.

Her weapon design is interesting to say the least. Using the two parts to steal Dust and use them for her own is a great concept. Add in the ability to fly and the devastating power it seems to have and I would say it's OP for anyone... However.

She is physically weak. Relying on her weapon not just for combat but even for everyday movement. This kind of dependency would makeit crippling if her weapon was damaged. Balancing it out.

The Bad:

There's a bit of a clarity issue in her backstory. It mentions her being educated, but no real mention of a combat training. It states that Peri taught her to defend herself, but there's no mention of Peri's skill or what this training included. School is mentioned but again nothing about it being a combat school.

How did she get her weapon? Being she relies on it so much I would expect to see something about how she aquired it and trained with it. However there is none.

You linked to a story that is supposed to explain her backstory better, however it only says it's being revamped and as such I cannot use any information that may have come from it. This said, you should have all key information on your character's page and merely have the link to the story as a means of gleaning more detailed information.

Also, the bit about the ship is confusing. I'm assuming they were discovered at the end of the journey, but it would be better if it could be cleared up. Nothing big.

Her semblance mentions creating a clone, but says it can take on any form. That would make it not a clone. It would be easier to call it a figure, apparition, or ghost. Not a big deal however.

The Ugly: Rejected. I hate to say it, but the lack of information on her training is the killer here. Beacon requires extensive knowledge in combat, and if one lacks that they don't get accepted. Jaune is the only known exception because he cheated the system. Without real information on her training, or how (if) she snuck into Beacon I can't say she would have been accepted into the academy.

Put in some detail on how she was trained in combat and how she got her weapon and she will easily be accepted.

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Small issue, but a critical one. It can be fixed in a paragraph. So don't feel so bad.

~Cheers!