Talk:Flare Constiare/@comment-24262164-20140115055103

How I review

First of all, there's some rough wording in parts. It makes it a bit hard to read.

Her back story is mostly OK but there appear to be some holes right now. First of all, you call her a sophisticated lady at 14. That's fine but keep it in mind for a second. She is sent to sigil and just rocks. Where does all of this ability come from? Understand that you live in a universe where Grimm are a real threat. Some OCs are trained from a very young age and I find them OK because that's a reasonable thing to do when there is a threat to your species. When you then consider that schools like Sigil and Beacon are supposed to be elite, you an guess that they probably cater to a more experienced audience. In the end I don't think you can account for your accomplishments with tallent. Now, maybe you've had training but if that's the case then I'm not so sure you'd be a sophisticated lady. Basically, if you want anything near what you're describing you'd have to have rebelled a lot earlier, and not just used marriage as the straw that broke the camel's back. Also consider that Ruby entered Sigil at 13.

Next, her time at Sigil. You want to graduate at 15 to enter Beacon. That is on top of what you've already talked about. I don't like that. School isn't just a test, it's an experience. The things that you learn in that time are hard to quantify and they require time to fully grasp.

Next for the weapon. First of all, you have a pair of stiletto swords? I have never heard of a stiletto sword but I imagine it has a long thin blade for stabing. First issue is that I don't see how dust makes the sword sharper and do more damage. I just don't think Dust does that. I also don't raelly understand that strategy you use to take out two opponents. However, you also say it turns into a shield. I kinda fail to see how that's possible. Like if its a long and thin sword where is all that material stored?

Finally the semblance. I might be missing something here. It sounds like she has Weiss's semblance. That's fine but how does it help her get her weapon back? Is it just that she has more mobility?