Talk:Siegfried Drachentöter/@comment-26543176-20150517083720

Okay, so after reading all of the comments, and all the of the crap that is going on, on this page, I kinda really want to talk about this, hopefully what I say will be better received as I'm just offering my opinion as a fellow OC creator, who's seen his fair share of mary sue/stu OC's and wants to help out to rectify the situation.

Just gonna say here, preface everything with, this is an honest critique, I'm not trying to offend you, however critique is something all OC creators will have to deal with at one point or another.

Now to begin, his personality appearance etc. Yes his appearance is kinda bland but saying something about that would be a pot kettle black scenario so I won't I'd just advise you to look and see if you can improve upon it in any way you can.

His personality is..... Okay, I get you have the whole hero of justice thing going with him, he wants to protect everyone, and wants to be the best, like no one ever was, for similar personalities see Emiya Shirou ala the Fate series. Now this is an okay place to start because it gives you some cool directions to go in. However the way you have it now is very black and white, and is under the assumption that he can always save everyone, which is in a way, an inherently flawed ideal as you can never save everyone. A way you could improve upon his personality add a little more dept etc, is ask yourself; "How would he react to a situation in where he couldn't save everyone?" (and no, saying he would still save everyone somehow, is not a valid response) also what mental strain would this personality type cause someone? Considering he wouldn't always save everyone how would he react when thinking about those situations latter, a little food for thought there. Just a little finisher here, saying him trying to save everyone is a weakness, when this dude can seemingly survive everything someone could throw at him while he's trying to save everyone, really isn't a weakness.

Now before I say anything else, separating the abilities paragraph into weapons, fighting style would be a good idea because right now it's kinda hard to see where something ends and something else begins.

Okay, I'll preface this entire section with, yes your character is "too perfect" he is, you do need to understand this, if your character is a jack of all trades, then he is a master of none, which means, decent at everything but excelling at nothing so maybe 6-7 across the board, the only time you should really see 9's is when they're really really good at one thing, i.e. defense. I get that you want him to be the best, top of his class, the perfect hero of justice, but it just makes for bad character design, I don't look at him and say "wow he's a well designed character with obvious strengths and exploitable weaknesses." I see him and think, "You put in all 10's but that was too much so you gave him all 9's." Another rout to go if the jack of all trades thing master of none thing isn't your style. Then you could go another rout, sacrifice defense and aura for speed and attack, or sacfrice speed and attack for defense and aura, any combination really that doesn't end with "he's practically perfect in every way." Once again, nothing wrong with wanting your character to be top of his class yadda yadda yadda, but do it with some skill, some finesse, not just "he's amazing at everything because I said so."

His semblance is too much, it does too many things and can be used in too many ways, try and focus on one thing, i.e. the beam idea, or the barrier one, pick one of those and you'll have a workable semblance. Otherwise he is just kinda OP yadda yadda things I've said before.

His history, is fine, workable and simple, a little basic but pot kettle black, stones in glass houses so I wont say anything else.

Now if you've taken the time,to read all of this that I've written, then cool, I hope you take what I sad as constructive criticism, which it is, and aim to improve your character. Hope you think on what I've said, and if you want any more advice, I'd be more than happy to provide.