Talk:Chamoisee Clou/@comment-16141060-20131214185848

Faunus are becoming my pet OC's of the fandom so I'm always thrilled to see one that isn't either a Wolf, Cat or Fox. The way it manifests is both subtle but distinctive, and the pink and brown is a nice colour mix rarely seen. And I love the supportiveness of her parents, rare in OC's where there's pwoor widdle orphans and abused stepchildrens in every direction.

As for the scar, it does feel like a throw away to avoid Sue appearane traits. Weiss has a cute little discolouration over one eye, but Chamoisee must have a hellova scar for her to be self conscious about it. I recommend really going into detail, like the kind of scar tissue (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scar), and really making it something that's going to make the other students eyeballs twitch as they try not to stare. As you said, it 'detracts' from her appearance, and as a reader, I feel the uglier the better.

Personality wise, I feel a cohesiveness throughout her bio, linked and meaningful. One thing you might want to consider is how her personality flaws affect her in battle. Flaws are why we read because we like to see characters grow and over come in time. "Why don't people like Charmoisse?" Yeah, it buggers her social interactions, but maybe it makes her uncertain and doubtful. She hides in the back and is critisized for not driving forward.

I feel that her long distance weaponry, Quilled Ire, makes that possible, lingering at the back and giving the impression of cowardice whether its there or not. The wires and backpack do have me a little uneasy because they show similarities to Penny's puppetry. I'd keep nibbling away at it little by little and see if you can make it a bit more iconic to herself.

All in all, good stuff!