Talk:Hǎiyáng Castellan/@comment-24678303-20150305235935

First off, i would like to mention that stealing artwork is not acceptable. While it is alright to make a picture using a program (like you did for pictures A and B), taking art and using it for your character (ESPECIALLY without sourcing it) is beyond unacceptable, and i have to throw up a red flag on Picture C. Anyone who clicks on it can clearly see the Tumblr URL there, so it's obvious you didn't draw it yourself. Furthermore, everyone else pays the same amount for artwork. If you don't like it, tough shit, go draw your own artwork. You have to follow the rules everyone else here does.

The backstory seems to be alright, save for the fact that it got a bit confusing towards the end, mostly because of phrasing.

The weapon...That's just a lightsaber. There's no such thing as Rhodium Ore outside of Star Wars lore, much less RWBY lore. Please do try and keep RWBY Canon in mind when designing weapons. Furthermore, the fact that your weapon homes in on people makes it WAY too OP.

As for the Skills/Abilities, that Semblance does work, it seems really OP. There need to be limits on how this Semblance works, specifically when it can and cannot function, along with anything else that limits it to balance it, because being able to read the weak points on anything is not acceptable.

Another thing to cut back on is your characters strength. Yes they can be powerful, no they cannot be master fighters who are more powerful than Canon characters. I mean, being able to paralyze and Ursa with two fingers? Come on...

Plus, you said that the only other person to master that skill is Neo, though your character seems to be better at it...Except she hasn't and no your character isn't. For one, Neo is a VERY powerful character from what we've seen of her, i'm sure some random scrub with an edgy backstory wouldn't be able to amount to what she can do. Second, she is NEVER seen using anything you mentioned there in RWBY. If you're going to relate to Canon information, at least make sure it's accurate.

Lastly, and this is a little tidbit, but if your characters name relates to a color (yours being a relation to the Ocean in this case), then you don't need to get an attitude about it and tell further how it relates.

Rejected for the above stated reasons.

~RP Moderation Team~