Talk:Ama Topaz/@comment-24678303-20180217192519

Just a few things to note here.

Firstly, the Semblance seems...Off to me. The physical description of how it looks when it's active is probably just oddly written, so I ask that you clarify it a bit more. But, my main problems with it are the time limit and an apparent lack of limits. The flower/pedal thing is confusing, but if you add in how long between pedals falling to the description, you should be fine. As for limits, there's no stated cooldown time for this, nor are there any limits that say what she can and cannot freeze, nor how fast. Please fix those two at the least.

Second, the backstory, specifically in the Initiation, seems rather far-fetched to me. Taking out some Ursa and Beowolves, yeah, I can understand. But it says they, as one singular, freshly made team of 4, took out two Deathstalkers and a Nevermore, all of which I assume were fully sized, before getting assistance from another team in cleaning up the rest. I find this hard to believe, as RWBY and JNPR together had a very tough time taking out a singular Deathstalker and Nevermore, and were spent by the time they finished the battle. Clarify that they're either smaller than average or tone down the battle as a whole, please and thank you.

Third, I'm unsure how exactly songs from the Soundtrack exist within the world itself, especially songs that describe the events and characters within the series (chalk it up to RT being...RT), but the whole dance thing seemed a little unneeded, especially in regards to specifically mentioning that they "were the main attraction of the dance considering that they had a dance even more complex than JNPR would do later on". I wouldn't have as much of a problem with the paragraph about the dance if it weren't for things like that, which honestly don't contribute to the backstory of the character at all.

Rejected.

~RP Moderation Team~