Talk:Slate Mavros/@comment-28682436-20161021010441

Grammar issues, most of them on the backstory. And also, you could try to use pronouns, instead of repeating the names over and over. Just a tip.

Backstory: "He went with his father on his mission (you could mean "missions" since...) for the next Four years... Many of these missions were search and destroy missions". If that type of missions are not allowed for first year students of Huntsmen Academies, it's suicide for a Primary Combat School student rank. Even with a professional huntsman (his father) who is risking not just his child's life, but the mission itself, it's not the best way to train any boy or girl.

Weapon: Seems okay, we've seen smaller things turned into a 2700mm length weapon (kinda exaggerated there). So a 0.99m turning into a whip that reaches 4 yards looks well enough.

Semblance: 1.- No one can have a "highly versatile" semblance at that age, no one can controll a semblance well, even huntsmen/huntresses. Also, Telekinesis is a Canon Semblance. It's not allowed.

You should change part of the backstory and made it fit with a new semblance.