User blog:Varzan Deodinm Beldinm/Late Night One Shot (I'm Open to Critique)

So I was about to go to bed when I suddenly had an idea for a possible way that Akala Uluao'a, my primary OC, would be introduced. Not only is this a way for me to show you all what kind of villain Akala is, but this is also a way for me to praxtice my dialogue writing skills.

Please understand that I have never written fanfiction, and I'm conveying this story through a play format. So without any forewarning whatsoever, here we go:

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A faunus family of five, a mother, a father, two sons, and a daughter, are abruptly awaken by home invaders puttig bags over their heads and dragging them outside. When the parents try to fight back, they are beaten to the ground and handcuffed. The family is then brought up to their knees, humilated and restrained, when a meer teenage girl walks up to them.

This girl is White Fang member Ralis Harlem. She was a 18 year old, raccoon faunus drop out who joined the White Fang after being expelled from Pegasus Academy back on Menagerie. Let's just say, hatching a Deathstalker egg in your dorm room and then attempting to raise it to maturity was beyond the headmaser's tolerance levels.

Ralis interogated the family with questions given to her by her superior, White Fang Lieutenant Akala Uluao'a. Akala wasn't nearly as polite as she was, so he let her be the "good cop." Since Ralis found no useful intel from their captives, she now had to get new orders from the "bad cop"...

-Ralis Harlem: Just keep them restrained while I go report to Akala, we need to make up for lost time, now.

-White Fang Soldier 1: Yes ma'am.

Ralis begins to walk to Akala's campsite as another White Fang soldier escorts her.

-WF Soldier 2: So, we're goingto get new ordersfrom Mister Rainbows and Butterflies?

-Ralis: Yep, and I doubt he's going to give me a pleasent answer. He'll find some way to blame me for this delay, even though this was his plan. I was the one who suggested we wait till tommorrow morning and then ask them these questions while they were doing farmwork or something.

-WFS 2: He just thought we'd get the truth out of them easier by scaring the crap outta them in the middle of the night... ma'am.

-Ralis: You kidding me?! I don't cae what he thought, we shouldn't be harassing our own people!

-WFS 2: I take it you haven't been working with Lieutenant Uluao'a long?

-Ralis: Only three weeks, and on our first mission together he blew up a MINE! Last week he kidnapped some SDC officials and he... he just-

-WFS 2: May I give you some advice, Miss Harlem?

-Ralis: Sure?

-WFS 2: Not many people who work with Akala live long, I suggestyou ask to be reassigned under someone else. I hear Lieutenant Adam Taurus is looking for a new-

-Ralis: No, that's fine. I'm starting to believe I might not be White Fang material, y'know?

-WFS 2: I can't say I agree with how things are run nowadays.

-Ralis: ...May I ask what your name is, soldier?

-WFS 2: Heh, sure.

-Ralis: Very funny, now what is it?

-WFS 2: I'll tell you... once we're done here. Our campsite is right over there it would seem.

-Ralis: Well, let's get this over with. Hey, where're you going?

-WFS 2: Away from Mister Rainbows and Butterflies.

-Save-