Talk:Dr. Alexander Nobel M.D./@comment-17970636-20151207021712

Alright, let's get started.

First off, you state that he was seen first after the Great War, but he's middle aged. That makes no sense because the Great War happened approximately 80 years prior to the current timeline we see. Not only that, giving a 13 year timespan for his possible age is too much, gotta be specific.

The mask is a nice touch, however, the way it's worded it makes it sound like something like the plague hit the RWBYverse, even though this is an allusion to the Black Death which rocked Europe, also, you state that he's tall at 5'9", that's actually average height for males on Earth, tall would be 6'0" and up, in fact, looking at the average heights of males in RWBY, he's below average compared to all the males we've seen so far. I recommend you change up the wording a tad bit on that.

Personality is vague, quite so. Not only that, but you mention him being hardly talkative and hard to understand when he talks, but manipulative and charistmatic. This is kind of a contradiction because one cannot simply exclude charisma and have a spooky demeanor, not only that, how are you supposed to manipulate someone when they can hardly understand what you're saying? I recommend rewording that a bit. Also, please add in why he hates faunus, hunters, and huntress', if not here, then in the backstory.

What is this portable lab? Is it a breifcase? Is it literally a lab that folds up into a box the size of Incarceron from the outside, but is massive inside? More detail required.

His MAD system, from what we've seen he'll just commit suicide because bombs/grenades don't do much to the aura filled characters in the RWBYverse/Grimm, simply put, the only way he's killing someone is if they're also at a critical state, he could deal heavy damage, but they wont die.

You say he's stronger at range but state that he can easily lift things heavier than himself easily, and he weighs 137 pounds. Forgive me but that appears to be an inconsistency from what has been read previously. Adding on, a simple bonesaw as a weapon, while interesting, is also quite odd, but fits with the doctor theme. I'd recommend a change but I don't have anything right now so I'll leave it be.

Properly formulating chemicals to create incindiary explosives as well as other forms of explosives takes more than seconds, doesn't matter what tools he uses or how fast he is at mixing, one must wait for the chemicals to mix themeselves before moving onward, and base grenades? What good would a base grenade do as a weapon?

I highly doubt, even with his age, that he'd be able to simply be able to tell the weakness of something/someone which he hasn't encountered before. Grimm are all around the same in terms of species, however, as humans, our weaknesses vary on a lot of things, from physical training, to mental abilities, to even simple daily habits. Mechanical beings are closer to Grimm, however, the fact of the matter is, that rearranging the mechanics on the inside isn't a stretch because as an Engineer, I personally know how to alter things around in terms of circuitry and still get the desired outcome. Please change that up a bit.

How can he break a person down mentally/emotionally without barely knowing them? That's close to being a semblance in itself and relates to mind screwery, which is halfway rejectable in itself, adding on to the fact that you state he's manipulative, but if he manipulates people in this accord, he doubts his own humanity? I'm not fully sure what you're going for there.

Back to the height thing, 5'9", not really that tall.

I've seen plenty of OC's previously that attempt to skirt a backstory by stating that they don't talk much. Regardless of what it is, an OC must have a completed backstory, because this character has a lot of holes. When was he born, why does he hate hunters, huntress' and faunus. Why does he harbour a dislike for the Atlas military and attempt to hinder them consistently. Where did he learn to become such an avid chemist. Also, without any aura as the stat chart shows, how could he survive the battlefields? And I've already previously adressed the issue about when the Great War happened in corolation to his age.

How does his first name relate to a colour? An OC's first name must relate to a colour somehow, and in your Trivia, this isn't defined.

For the above reasons. Rejected.

--RP Moderation Team--