Talk:Ebony Feldgrau/@comment-27743663-20170115045920

CNR, while obvious and apparent, does need to be noted in the trivia of the page. No one is exempt from this, and it's very mandatory.

Appearance is fine.

Personality, while nothing is inherenly wrong with the set-up, I would recommend you avoid bullet point set-ups as it looks rather basic.

Backstory, can be condensed better. Generally, quotes are too be avoided unless they hold significant relevance. Besides that, the set-up is rather jarring, and likely, her Occupational record segment could be placed in it as well to come out as neater. The entire first encounter with Grimm part could likely just be placed in it's own FanFicttion.

Moving on to points aside organization, it's not listed anywhere where she just trains. Just that she does. It's not at a Hunter Academy, obviously, and she isn't listed to have a teacher, so, how did she even learn to wield her weapon, aura, and so on? Being self-taught would largely be impossible, for the sole reason that she largely wouldn't stand a chance against the Grimm if she was self-taught. She'd need actual Hunter training, which she doesn't have. As a minor note, people won't moe to Vacuo for better living. It's a survival of the fittest environment, so unless you're extremely pressed, that's not really a thing.

Weapon is fine.

Semblance, or lack thereof, is noted.

A note there, as an entire whole for the page. Speaking in terms of organization, this page itself is horribly unappealing. It's not rejectable in the slightest, and page layout is entire left up to whoever's making it, but I felt it should be noted as it's likely going to turn off most people looking at it at first glance.

Tl;dr

Rejected on:

- Hunter skill without any noted or viable reason for it.

~RP Moderation Team~

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