Thread:Verity Evermore/@comment-37031238-20181103203158/@comment-26570606-20181103214521

Hi there! I got the notification for this and just finished reading Soka (still haven't figured out how to do the accents on my computer XD) over!

Before I give a little review, I'd like to add that I'm not an official reviewer of the site (even though I give extremely long reviews sometimes) so there might be a few things that slip past my watch. I'll try my best though!

So, looking at her backstory, do you have names for her parents and brother? Not necessarily a problem, it just might be a good thing to add their names, since they seem to play a big role in her backstory. I think that her mom's transition with the White Fang's changes makes sense, how she stuck with them and their new values began to change her, but I do have one nitpick, which is about her mother's plan. How exactly was it carried out? Was her mother doing it on her own, with no permission from higher ups? Was it approved by the rest of the organization? Who was involved? I feel as though if she were to use other White Fang members to help her out, she'd need to be somewhat high in the ranks, or at the very least not just a common member. Now, I tend to overthink things, so this could just be me doing that. It may not be a problem with reviewers, but I think it's something to think about.

I like her personality and think it's very interesting, so I don't really have any issues! However, you mention signs of a split personality. That might be something you want to explain in her backstory. Did she always have this? How did it affect her?

With her height mentioned, I'm curious about a few things. She seems soooo cute! But she could probably kill me so I wouldn't say that to her outright XD. Though it seems a bit odd for a 19 year old to be that short. (No offense meant if you know anyone like that though! I personally do not, so it seems a bit off to me.) It does sound like she didn't exactly eat well as a child, though, which could mean she was malnourished and her growth didn't happen properly (sorry if this sounds weird, I'm going off of what I've heard from DDLC, which features a character who I believe is malnourished). Also, what exactly is meant by the term Empress? It's not really specified (unless I missed something, which is possible).

There's a lot of stuff listed under her abilities. Now, while there's nothing wrong with a lot, you want to make sure that she has some weakness. Because from what I'm getting, she's good at a lot of things, but I can't really see a weakness (unless I once again missed something). Her Semblance... Hmm, there's limits, which is good, but it doesn't really strike me as something I'd see in canon RWBY. That fact won't necessarily get her rejected, there are several accepted characters that I have seen with Semblances that surprised me, but I would suggest talking to a reviewer about this. Not really my area of expertise.

Also, just sort of a friendly question - where did you get her art from? Did you draw it? Or was it commissioned for you? This is coming from someone who is in desperate need of OC art XD.

That should be about it! Sorry, I kinda went overboard. I tend to go big with reviews - probably why I should never apply to be a reviewer here, people don't have time to read my literal essays XD. You should probably have an official reviewer go over her since they're more reliable than me, and probably aren't as nitpicky and prone to overthinking, (which you can do by putting her in the pending category, if you want to roleplay with her!), but I hope that I helped a bit!