Talk:Bartholomew Varega/@comment-24487330-20140201195505

Since this profile has already been well-established, and since this comment is coming from a new face to the fanon, these comments may or may not be 100% educated, but I hope that they are insightful or at least that they make sense.

Profile section: The Weight parameter has a number but no units. One might assume that it's in pounds (lbs.), since it's in the low- to mid-200s range, but you might want to specify just in case. This is a minor personal gripe, though, and shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Personality section: There are a couple traits about Barth's personality that, without reading any of the literature surrounding him, seem to clash a bit. There's nothing wrong with conflict in character, but it's unclear which traits are most prominent. Does he normally value honesty over courtesy? Does his impartiality in combat ever waver if infighting occurs? These issues are highly circumstantial, but if a pattern develops, it's usually worth making note of it.

Weapons and abilities section: Just a couple of things that may or may not have already been addressed in-context. First, if the green Dust crystal chambered in Reverend happens to break, would Barth have another one readily accessible, or would he have to go shopping for one? Second, are the metal plates embedded in his body located only in structurally-weak areas, or are they arranged in a general configuration to provide all-around support?

Lastly, a comment about the Backstory section. Like others before me have noted, this is an extremely detailed backstory; I don't think I've ever put this much thought into a character's history when creating a profile (although that may just be a personal preference). What's more, it sounds quite believable, composed of strong exposition reinforced by tragic themes to which many people could relate, including identity confusion, physical disfiguration, and (most prominently) the pain of betrayal and loss. It's a very convincing story that really makes me want to learn more about Barth and see where his journey takes him, and if you ask me, that's one of the best things a writer can hope to get out of his readers.

All in all, Barth seems like a well-thought-out character who's had plenty of development, and his profile does a great job informing people about him and relaying all that information in an immersive manner. I have a few questions about Barth that were raised after reading through his profile, but since there's already an ongoing story featuring him, those questions may well have been answered already. I look forward to reading more and seeing for myself. For the sake of providing measurable feedback, I'd give this page a 10/10; lots of interesting, engaging content with no obvious points that are inherently bad or wrong.