Talk:Noire Mauveine/@comment-25924729-20191127105432

Very fun read, cool OC, but just has some small things that need to be addressed.

Appearance and personality are pretty good.

Backstory has some issues. The most major being her recruitment to Beacon by Ozpin, and being bailed out from the police by him. While we do allow OC interaction with Oz to a minor extent, that's too personal and excessive. This part should be removed or revised to not include Ozpin, or keep his involvement minimal.

Her age during certain events in her life are also not mentioned, such as when she took over the company. On a small tangent, her infobox also doesn't mention her current age. These are small details, but important to determine how realistic it would be to do certain feats at her age, and compare her power levels to other OCs at a similar age to see if she's too weak or too strong.

Her weapon is alright, but small problems with her semblance too. Reading people's past is okay, but she can't be doing it through literally staring into their souls. We don't have any reason to believe souls and aura hold memories like that, or can be manipulated to see the past. The semblance itself is okay, you just need to change how it works, no soul or aura manipulation. It could also use some limits like how long she can use it, how far back she can see etc.

Weapon is good. Relationships section is alright.

The trivia section does not mention how her name relates to a colour. Iirc Noire means black in French, and is a valid name. But that information should still be included in the page itself.

And.... Yeah, that's all I think? Parts of her backstory and semblance need to be fixed, her age and CNR added. Still a neat character though.

Rejected.

If you have any questions please DM me on Wikia or Discord.

~RP Moderation Team~