Talk:Yami Tsuki/@comment-24678303-20151208021312

Okay, let's get right down to it.

First off, i noticed that the second \name of the title page was not capitalized, so i went ahead and fixed that. On that note, going off the first glances, i'm seeing a lot of grammatical errors, but i can read through it. So, let's go through this.

Starting with things in the infobox, i'm seeing a lot of edgy, unneeded things. For instance, the titles and alias. It also says that he is attending Beacon, but is a lone wolf? I don't think so. All students attending Becaon are to be on a team, period.

Okay, on to the Apperance. Right off the bat, i see that he has "black hair with hints if crimson around the side" and "silver eyes". GEE, WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE? Also, the fact that he has blue contact lenses to cover that up makes no sense to me. At all. There should be no reason for it. You say he's "high for his age" (wrong wording there), but 5'9" is not very tall, especially by RWBYverse standards. He has a gauntlet that covers a brand, what? I assume that will be in the history...

The pre-Beacon outfit...Ugh, that edge. So he had armor that he wore under a cloak for some reason, which the cloak had a blood moon on it for some reason. Then he has a Nevermore mask, what?? Also, "arm guards for his arms." You don't say?

Now after he has been accepted, he ditched the armor and kept just the cloak. Why did you even have it in the first place? Also, it says "now he has a gauntlet covering his brand". But, he had a gauntlet before? The inconisitancy.

.......

Yeah, i'm not going through the whole character. Not right now. There are so many things wrong here, i'm having trouble even trying to figure out where to start with this. All i will mention now is that he CNR, while acceptable, is just SO bottom of the barrel edgy and mary-sue, it is headache inducing. Go re-read the rules, go to chat and get help, and redo this character, because this is just headache inducing.

Rejected for...Just about everything.

~RP Moderation Team~