Talk:Schwarz Schnee/@comment-24678303-20150427181019

Okay, bit of a preface here. Taking one glance at this page, I see SO MUCH NOPE in it and I sincerely hope you weren't being serious with this page.

-ahem-

First and foremost, canon interaction, canon interaction, CANON INTERACTION. This is IN NO WAY acceptable. You have him listed not only as Weiss' adopted brother, but also as her retainer? I'm going to save myself the headache and just skim through the history here. In almost every paragraph here, you have something about his interaction with Weiss, so just about that entire section needs to be scrapped.

Next, we're going back up to the top. General appearance looks good, if a bit clichéd. Though, reading down to the clothing, you stated that he "has no need for casual clothes". Newsflash, we don't make characters that are soulless machines of war (unless the are written that way with good reason, then by all means...). We actually write our characters as living, breathing people within the world. Do try to make an effort to do so yourself.

Secondly, you have it so that ALL of his clothing is infused with Dust. If you didn't have a weapon and if you actually told us the abilities he has from these clothes, MAYBE it'd be acceptable, within reason. But, having both a cloak and every other article of clothing infused with Dust breaks the weapon limit rule, as each article of clothing counts as a weapon.

Next is the weapons, which appear to be carbon copies of RWBY's weapons, excluding Crescent Rose. This tells me that you are uncreative and/or lazy. In a world where you can combine a rocket launcher and a knife, you choose to copy things that already exist and do not belong to you. Do NOT do this. On that note, I will mention that in RWBY, it isn't possible (from what we've seen) for someone to not had a Semblance, just that they haven't acquired it yet.

Lastly, I can't find and color relation with the first name. While the last name has one, it needs to be changed for violating a key rule we have here.

What this entire page tells me is that you not only are lazy, but also blind. We have several rule pages linked on the FRONT PAGE. Before you do ANYTHING else, I suggest you go read them thoroughly.

Rejected for all of the above.

~RP Moderation Team~