Talk:Claret Antares/@comment-31408668-20190815204441

COLOR NAME REFERENCE

Color name reference recognized. Claret is a name of English origin meaning dark red colour.

''Reviewer's Note: The meaning of the name should go in a Trivia section. Fix that.''

APPEARANCE

He is certainly distinct, I'll give him that. It's also a very nice touch that he actually makes an effort to hide his Faunus trait due to being in Atlas. That is a very nice pointer relating to how Atlas has treated him. Nice touch with pointing out the dog tags, as that can be a conversation starter. Nothing to detract from. No problems here.

PERSONALITY

The masked man. I'm going to say, this is not an original way to build a character, but it can be exceedingly effective. His different masks work, and paints a man with a purpose, but one that can't truly, fully be the one to stand up to that purpose. To be honest, I would love to see him face almost certain failure of his goal. To see how he breaks. No obvious contradictions. No problems here.

BACKSTORY

Before I do anything related to a review, I need to say this, and this better be fixed; ''Have you ever heard of the ENTER Key? Paragraphs? Yeah, fix that.''

This backstory is considerably dark, maybe a bit much, but it mostly works. I actually find him killing his own mother with his tail interesting, considering it brings up a good question, if Faunus can control their animal parts immediately, and it shows how dangerous they can be, even unintentionally.

However, there is one major problem in this backstory. Raymond's ghost. As far as we know, ghosts and apparitions do not exist in Remnant. If this is supposed to be a hallucination, then that should be defined. Noted absence in Vytal Festival. No stepping on canon toes. Major problem here.

WEAPONS AND COMBAT

Weapons are within guideline specifications. We have a single, transforming primary in the form of Eclipsed Heart. The weapon is actually quite interesting, if I'm understanding it correctly, that his weapon is shaped like the war glaives in WoW. Because that shape of weapon is usually seen in pairs, when it should be used in singular form, like Claret does. It is also used for the correct purpose, that being close quarters combat and more defensive applications. As for the twin whip-swords, they also work. I don't think I can begrudge anyone a bit of Ivy Valentine's weapon. No problems here.

As for Claret's combative ability, it is not specified, I will assume it is average for his age and training. No problems here.

SEMBLANCE

Despair's Love as a Semblance could work. Specifically the first part of it could work. That when in an area that has high concentrations of despair, he gets a power boost related to how extreme the emotion is. This is a good ground work. But it needs limits and definitions. For example, an area with high despair is very vague. It should have a defined range it works in, it needs to explain by how much his physical strength is boosted. So that needs to be addressed.

As for the second part of the Semblance, where he is not noticed by Grimm, or they go as far as to base their own actions his, I would like to direct you to the Guidelines, the section about Auto-Rejectable Semblances, point 10; "Semblances pertaining to Grimm, whether it be transforming, communication, etc.".

It just needs to be removed. And no, this is not an argument, at least not one you will ever win. Major problems here.

CONCLUSION: REJECTED (Backstory involves a ghost, Semblance breaks Auto Rejectable Semblances, point 10.)

'''Claret could work as a character, he really could. Him having a good relationship with his mentor works, he has an interesting weapon that is used correctly, I personally like his type of personality because I identify with it so much, but his backstory can't quite work and his Semblance breaks a core rule on the Fanon. Very close, still.'''

'''On a side note, sincerely, I mean what I say about paragraphs. It takes possibly ten seconds to fix, it would be lazy of you not to. '''