Talk:Inari Tsukiakari/@comment-25924729-20190624030325

Oh, this one~ She's a classic. One of the oldest and most famous OCs on this site lol.

Appearance is great. Detailed nicely, and that artwork is pretty.

Personality is alright. A little too many specific examples, make it kinda long and hard to read, and the examples are all very specific... It feels unnatural, like her actions are being used to extract personality traits, instead of her personality governing her actions. This is more of a writing quality thing than the OC itself. I feel you could cut down this section a bit, but that's optional advice, you won't be rejected if you choose not to.

Backstory is good. Just one small issue, it would be better to explain briefly in this page itself what events happened in the Moonlight Blossom incident, instead of just putting a link elsewhere, for convenience of readers. Especially if it's important enough to drastically change her personality and bring back her missing brother (I assume? The link leads to an empty page o.o). I like the faction terminology thing you added at the end, very helpful. Maybe you could mention the Moonlight Blossom events there, or add them into the backstory paragraph itself?

Onto abilities and combat... Being able to Dust Cast on top of having two transforming weapons kinda breaks some new rules we recently implemented post volume 6. But I will make an exception for this and accept anyway under Reviewer Discretion, since none of her abilities are unfair, the Dust casting is an integral part of her character and there's already very good art of her weapons, changing them now would be too difficult and kinda nitpicky, so... All good.

Semblance seems good in concept. Static electricity discharge by itself can't pull objects like that, I assume you mean an electromagnetic effect instead. That's fine though, could be a nice sub-ability or special technique that shows how much mastery she has of her semblance and creative use. It's optional to add specific limits like how powerful are the shocks, how long they last, drawbacks and ways they can be countered etc too.

So.... Yeap. Great character, only real issue is in the backstory, and some optional changes to personality and semblance.

Rejected.

If you have any questions please DM me on Wikia or Discord.

~RP Moderation Team~