Talk:Czarum Isola/@comment-24678303-20150406170750

Okay, time for me to get back into the fray and get back to reviewing. You were just in the chat for about 10 seconds, so I'll start with yours.

Everything looked fine till I got down to the Personality. His ibterests are...Team RWBY and JNPR? I don't see why he would have an interest in either of them, honestly. You could have had something a NORMAL person is interested in, like a good book or movie. Then, you mention getting into trouble with Nora and Yang for...Okay, I'ma stop you right there, since it doesn't matter in the first place. Canon interaction (ESPECIALLY on this scale) is not acceptable.

The backstory looked fine right up until your characters were pushed out of a Bullhead above Moutain Glenn. First off, in what universe would that be socially acceptable? Secondly, you have the Vale Military (with Qrow) and have them... Okay, again, I'm going to stop you there. Firstly, Vale, from what we've seen, doesn't have a "Military Forces", just the local Hunters and Huntresses. Second, you have MORE interaction with Canon characters, which is still a HUGE nono. Plus, in universe, I'm pretty sure the White Fang hadn't stationed themselves in Moutain Glenn until rather recently, so there's no way he would have stumbled across them in the first place. Both of your characters had fatal (emphasis on FATAL) woulds. That would mean that their Aura had run out completely, so she would not have been able to save him in the first place, not to mention that if the human body has had its heart punctured, they literally bleed out within seconds. Heart transplants are only a valid option under controlled medical operation, and even then it's only for if the recipient has some sort of heart disease, not if they were SHOT through the heart. Then, after doing the impossible proceedure and recovering, they RETURN for more training. I'll stop you again there. People aren't just randomly dropped off into heqvily infested Grimm territory for Hunter/Huntress training. That's what the academies (ie, Signal) are for. After that, they move on to places like Beacon to finish their training and become full fledged Hunters/Huntresses. Plus, you didn't need to specify that Beacon is where RWBY and JNPR are starting their third year. That isn't something that should need to be specified.

The weapons, I can only see a couple things that need to be fixed. Firstly, a revolver doesn't need to have a place where used shells go. With revolvers, all the shells are held within the Cylinder until it is opened and the expent rounds are ejected, readying it for new ammunition to be loaded. Secondly, the bit in sword part of the second weapon seems WAY too OP. While I admire your creativity in making it able to fire while in this mode to build up momentum and power, being able to cut through almost everything and break any defense is WAY too OP. Tone it back and specify what it can cut through like this (within reasonable bounds, of course) and it should be alright.

As for the fighting style, don't compare it to two REALLY powerful characters in Canon, as that's just bad form. You only need to simply state what kind of fighting style they use, in this case Iaido. Though, as I am unfamiliar with sword fighting styles, I won't pick at the use of it. Otherwise, it seems fine.

You can NOT, under ANY circumstances have TWO semblances, regardless of how it happened. That being said, while the first one seems fine, the second one is unacceptable in general. It is OP and could be counted as Godmodding in some cases. If you want my opinion, I'd say to ditch the second Semblance, as the first one would work just fine.

Lastly, we have the Trivia. While I do appreciate how you specified the meabing of his name, he has no color relation. Clarify what it is, if there is one, or change his name so there is a color relation. Then, the last three points there are definite rule breakers. You have blatent canon interaction in the three and they should be removed post haste.

Rejected for all of the above stated things. Remember to go read the Rules before making a character and, if you're going to hop on the chat, stay on and talk to people about things, rather than (somehow) [|breaking the chat formatting and posting a link to some random train game site and promptly leaving].

~RP Moderation Team~