Board Thread:News and Events/@comment-24296957-20141130191712/@comment-25612705-20141201070607

Iona Angelo

She is said to be a faunus, but I could not find anything stating what her trait was. Ears, tail, retractable claws? Since there are several options with faunus traits, it would be helpful to add that in somewhere so the reader can visualize her more accurately.

Additionally you mention a few things in her history and appearance section that left me with questions. One part being that you noted she has scars on her face, thighs and wrists but there's no mention of when she got these scars. Did she have them as a child, or did she receive them later? Where they from combat or were some of them self inflicted? While you also mention her being discriminated, ridiculed, and excluded but again no mention as to why. I might assume it's because she is a faunus, but you didn't note her faunus trait so maybe it's not. Perhaps it's because of the scars? But it's unclear if she had them as a child in the orphanage or not.

Also, I find it a bit odd that an orphanage would hand a child over to two people who work in a rather dangerous field. Perhaps the orphanage was overcrowed which allowed for that to be overlooked in Iona's case. My only real issue here though is the fact that they seemed to push a very young girl into a dangerous line of work, seemingly from the moment they got her with no apparent motive other than that's what they do for work, so that's what she'll do. And continuing to push her even when she expressed she was unhappy (suicidally so). I'd like to see more motive here as to her parents actions.

Her semblance is well suited to her weapon and quite interesting, but I do feel like it needs a bit more elaboration. The term 'stacking' needs something to keep it from being endless and OP. Perhaps adding a limit to the speed at which Iona can phsyically swing her arm would be enough to reign it in a smidge :)

The personality section has a few issues where there seems to be some conflicting information going on as well. However I believe this is mainly due to some of the wording. A bit of tweaking would do the trick to clarify she is, as I understand, more talkative once she gets to know someone, while around strangers she is more introverted and less likely to open up.

I think Iona has a lot of things going for her, making for an interesting character. She's obviously a damaged girl with a lot of deep emotions she's trying to deal with, but at this point I think she needs more clarification/elaboration in the above stated areas, so as we can understand the why's to what make Iona who she is. Until then I would have to say, rejected.