Talk:Hǎiyáng Castellan/@comment-24678303-20150518153913

Okay, we’re here again, and you seem to be the last in Pending-

“(And no, the fire nation didn’t attack, Alex).”

Wait, did you take that seriously? That was just a joke, dude. You gotta learn to pick up on these things a bit better. There’s no need to include that. -3-

Anyways, already looking better with the rewritten, albeit bare bones, backstory. Also note, I can’t see any of the pictures here, so I’m just running off the text alone.

> Mechanical hands

Wait, I thought the only damage he received was a bit of shrapnel to the cheek? I think you missed something here while rewriting this.

For the weapon, while I’m a bit disappointed that you didn’t take the design I laid out for you, this is a big improvement. I’m just going to pick through a couple details here. For instance, it says that it is a “tri-barreled laser machine gun”, but the gun fires normal bullets (Well, what can be considered normal in the RWBYverse, which is to include Dust rounds), so I think you might want to remove the “laser” from that part.

Hmm, so it’s a three barreled rotary gun sword/scythe? Not a bad design, overall. Though, I do take a problem with the Mk2 version of it. While it’s not unheard of for characters to improve upon their designs, this one seems…A little too out of left field. Actually, with the telepathically controlled swords, it almost seems like its copying Penny a bit. I’d say to ditch the Mk2 entirely, since you have a very solid weapon design for the first version anyway.

The Skills & Abilities looks fine, but, again, that bit about the Aura is wrong. Yes, it’s fine to have a character prefer to dodge an attack rather than let the Aura absorb it, but there’s no ‘sometimes’ about it. Aura is a shield period. It can’t be used directly for attacks outside of a Semblance.

Speaking of which, I actually don’t know what to think about the Semblance. While it does seem to be balanced, it may count as Aura bypassing/manipulation, since it seems to passively damage enemies to heal him and level them out. I’ll have to get some further insight and opinions from others before I can make a final verdict on that one. I’ll give you this much about it though, it is pretty original here for a Semblance (least as far as I know).

Also, you forgot to remove the picture from the old Semblance.

Again, while you do state that the abilities are OP, I will mention again that you don’t have to list each individual attack/ability, especially those that are to be set in a fanfic. Quite the opposite, really. Generally, you can do what you like in the fics. Fics don’t get judged as Characters do, so if you want to have your character do something in a fic that they aren’t listed as being able to do on their character pages, then hey, be my guest.

However, since the character pages are generally reserved for ones that are used for RP and they follow strict guidelines, I still have to reject it for including the OP abilities, even if they are undiscovered.

I see you fixed what Hǎiyáng means in Chinese. See, little details make all the difference when translating to different languages. -3-

Anyway, Rejected for the above, but you don’t actually have that much to change, since I was digressing a lot of the time, so it’s mostly a lot of little details.

~RP Moderation Team~