Talk:Ecru Persimmon/@comment-13593058-20180130172800

Ecru Persimmon Review

Appearance
Appearance present.

Personality
Personality present.

Weapons and Abilities
Weapon rules followed, but the layout is confusing. Until I get a better understanding of it I don't think I can accept this. I have no problem witht he weapon being found, but it should have a more discriptive origin. It doesn't have to be known to the user but it has to be known to us, the Reviewers, to make sure it's not canonically contradictory. This "Influx" is also confusing since you didn't mention it as part of the weapon initially. My understanding is that the sword is called "Influx Waver" and that it shoots copies of itself using Dust, which I'm fine with. But then you introduce this "Influx" substance that I've never heard of and might not even be allowed to exist based on the Guidelines. The Dust based attacks also need tweaking. What do you mean that water Dust allows "Them" to melt and do 1 more damage? That makes no sense. The whole sentence structure doesn't even work grammatically.

The Semblance is iffy as well. How would you define strengthing Dust based attacks? If it alters the Dust attacks to be more versatile, that I could accept. But straight up making the attaks stronger seems to jump a lot of logic gates that I would rather not dive into.

Backstory
Backstory is very bare bones but not grounds for rejection.

Miscellaneous
Colour reference noted.

Verdict: Rejected
On the grounds of:

- Semblance is already covered as part of Aura and therefore redundant

- Backstory lacks detail

Review Summary
The character has a good base but needs to be more efficient at presenting itself. Please ready the appropriate sections that I have issues with and adjust accordingly.

If you require assistance in the matter, feel free to ask other Fanon members for help. Alternatively, you may consult my character creation guide for further information regarding my reviewing process. If you believe there to be a misunderstanding or mistake, please contact me via message wall or another reviewer.