Talk:Katsune "Kitty" Akatsuya/@comment-24487330-20140205041526

Yikes, sorry it took me so long to get around to this. Here's what stood out to me.

Appearance section: It's descriptive and well-organized, giving us a full picture of Kitty from head to toe. There isn't much I can suggest about it; the only thing you might consider is moving the statement about her height from the bottom of the paragraph to the top, considering that it establishes a point of reference for the rest of the section when you go in order from top to bottom like that.

Personality section: It seems like Kitty's had some time to peek out of her shell a bit, but it's good that you left some room for her to really break out later on; I know that I personally have trouble leaving room for my characters to develop, as I often get ideas for later parts of their stories and start developing them before they've even begun. You mention that she's more open with people who show her kindness and compassion, but does this change in attitude come easily, or does she have some trust issues to overcome before that happens?

Backstory section: Being prejudiced for being a Faunus seems to be the primary hurdle faced by Kitty, and I find that it's a change of pace from some of the stories I've read recently, which focus more combat-oriented challenges or tragic circumstances. Her history gives me the feeling of "defiant youth" instead of "tortured young soul" (of which my own OC is guilty) or "battle-hardened warrior", and it'll be interesting to see how she develops alongside those clashing personalities. Part of me wonders how she channels the frustration of the discrimination inflicted upon her, but I'll get to that in a moment.

Weapon section: The design for Heaven's Maw is highly detailed, and it sounds like a wicked piece of hardware. My only question is: how the heck does a short, small-built, sixteen-year-old girl lift it, let alone use it properly? Thankfully, this question gets an answer in the...

Abilities section: This is where everything really comes together, and it's where I see some untapped potential for Kitty. Her Aura does more for her offensive capabilities than for her defenses; she uses Dust to operate her weapon and amp up its destructive tendencies; her Semblance...speaks for itself, really. Everything here follows a theme: blowing $#!+ up. I can't help but wonder where all this raw power is coming from; maybe it's just something that she's always possessed but never had to use it before, or maybe it's that she never WANTED to use it before...Maybe she's just sick of being treated poorly and needs to let off some steam, and she finds the perfect outlet in her fighting style, pumping all of that pent-up depression and righteous fury into every swing of Heaven's Maw's saw-toothed edge, every shot of her rifle, every blast from her glyphs...When I look at all this, I see an entirely new side of Kitty just waiting to be let loose on some sucker Grimm, and I'm dying to see it happen, and I can't think of a better reaction a writer could get from someone reading about their character. Pull it off well, and I may just owe you a real, honest-to-goodness medal. (Bonus points if she gets her Vale-sized explosion at some juncture.)

Kitty's already been accepted, and that says a lot about her profile, so you can expect a good overall rating. What sets her apart from other characters that I've seen, though, is that she has a lot of potential going for her in development, and seeing her evolve through every scenario is bound to be a joy to follow. I had a few questions about fine details in her profile, but other than that, I don't see anything else that could be improved, so she gets a 10/10. Best of luck in your upcoming ventures.