Delirious Thoughts

How did things end up this way?

This question has been plaguing me for years.

''How many years has it been? Two? Three? I forget…''

It feels like I’ve been hanging here for an eternity - like a puppet strung up from his wrists, whose puppeteer abandoned them long, long ago.

...

‘The Devil made me do it.’

''That’s the excuse I’d once used. Whenever the slightest tinge of regret passed through my mind, that single phrase brought comfort. Brought solace. It made me efficiently ruthless - ruthlessly efficient.''

I have no longer have need of excuses.

''I’m hanging here in the darkness. All alone, with only my delirious thoughts to keep me company. The Devil’s not here. Did he fall with me?''

Down, down, down, down, down, down--

What was I saying?

''Oh yes, the Devil. He didn’t fall with me. He flew away. Left me to fall down to hell alone.''

Never liked him much.

…

I’m bored.

''An idle mind is a very dangerous thing. Me? I’m very idle.''

''Maybe I should escape? It’d be easy. Hell isn’t as well defended as you’d think. It’s colder too. No fire or brimstone, just cold, unfeeling metal.''

''Does that mean I'm metal? I suppose I must be.''

''These shackles are the only thing keeping me upright, though. Without them, I’d be like a puppet without his strings. A slave without a master.''

''Do my legs even work any more? Do I even still have legs? Truly, one of life’s great mysteries…''

…

''I miss my knife. They stole my knife. Without one, how does a cook cook? How does a hunter hunt? How does a killer kill?''

''What am I, without my knife? A confused, deranged lunatic? I don’t think so...I haven’t felt any murderous urges recently, dull as it may seem. I took those thoughts and put them in a little box. Then I kicked that box into the deepest, darkest corner of my mind. If I’m lucky, he’ll never find his way back.''

''I admit, it’s a little lonely without him, even if he was a total jackass. He never let me do what I wanted to do – it was always ‘kill, kill, kill!’ with him. But our arguments had been fun, even if he’d always won.''

…

I should have burnt that fucking box.

…

…

…

''You want to know something funny? The law.''

''Why does it even exist, if it cannot be enforced? The VPD is terrible – they had to get another criminal to do their own job for them. The juries are scared, and the judges blind. The warden here is corrupt – he lets a teenager carry out experiments on inmates, just because he has more money then everyone else. The only ones with the true power are the Huntsmen and Huntresses of the world, but even they are weak.''

''Everything would be so much simpler if the strong didn’t have to burden themselves with the weak. I don’t mind it so much, though. It just makes my job all the easier.''

''Well, ex-job. I suppose kicking the Devil out of a plane mid-flight is enough reason to switch career paths. Hell of a two-week notice though.''

''That time he hadn’t flown away. I made sure to laugh as he fell down.''

He was a bad guy.

…

''My doctors haven’t visited me today. I suppose it’s time to play the waiting game.''

Everyone loses.

…

''I thought I’d be mad at the Devil for sending me here, but I’m not. Not any more. It’s just like a holiday, where I can hang here in peace until it’s time to return to the real world. Besides, I lost the fight fair and square – or whatever that dumb phrase means, who loses a square?''

I looked forward to seeing the look on his face, should we ever meet again.