Talk:Edward Alabaster/@comment-30530552-20170603020729

Hmmm...interested to see what you have here since Mr. Redgrave had a decent performance.

CNR, while you could make it work, you haven't listed any specific color or something similar to one, so technically I can't accept this--right off the bat, unfortunately. You do need to make some sort of reference to something by association. [Por ejemplo: Kingly refers to royalty, which can either refer to royal blue or royal purple.] That said, this is a pretty easy fix since I can see it working.

Appearance is okay...I'm taking note of those Dust canisters since they'll likely be important later.

Personality's interesting.

Weaponry: The whip is fine, but technically Aegis doesn't work since its a multi-transformable with the blade, when in reality it's considered a secondary here. A simple removal of the blade and buckler altogether would work, so that you are within guidelines. That said, weapons here have always been touchy feely, and is really a thing of discretion on the part of reviewers.

Semblance: It's an interesting concept...and I think it can work. I'm going to assume it doesn't work when his Aura is down?

Fighting Style: Pretty standard and correlates with what I said about the weaponry, so I have nothing else to add here.

Backstory is okay, even if the bit about having her living with him at Beacon is a bit sketchy, but since it's vital to the character I'll let it slide. That said, I'd advise rethinking that in some way.

Overall, solid start here...keep workign at it, I'm sure he'll be acception worthy in due time.

-Rejected on: Lack of specific CNR reference & Multi-transformation secondary weapon

~RP Moderation Team~

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