Talk:Ari Rouge/@comment-30803571-20200104003416

- CNR checks out

- Appearance could use some better description here and there. First of all "early 2000's emo hair" is a rather broad statement and doesn't really say much about it, not to mention all the people that don't even know how that was, you should describe how the hair itself is instead. The top is a bit hard to visualize, i'm guessing you meaa it's a loose crop top with a low cross-laced neckline. The "over-top" sounds like all of it is puffy, not sure if this is intended and if not it should be specified what parts are puffy. What color are the sandals?. You say the skirt thingy has bangled but then compare ti to urbosa's, which doesn't, so i'm not sure what to think here; it's also not clear where the white stitching is since a piece of cloth would have no seams, is it like a trim or something?; it could also be mentioned where exactly the disc holding it together sits. people may also not know urbosa, so it'd be better to directly describe the thing. i'm assuming the gold neck band is a choker and the "circle earrings" hoop earrings?, also you should describe the piercing, even if it's something simple.

Generally speaking it's considered bad form to directly mention other media in character pages, if anything it should be in a references list.

- Personality is fine, though i'm not sure what you mean by "doesn't take many very serious outside of his work", like, many what? things in general?, people?, what is it that he doesn't take seriously?

- Backstory hoooo BOI, hot diggity damn man. this is fine, though it could use some explanation as to where/how he got the determination to not break and stay strong, especially at such a young age. it sounds like he got it from the other faunus workers but it should be made more clear.

- Weapons/Combat there's a problem with the semblance. First you say the effect is a sort of emotional dampener, but then talk about controlling the victim, implying mind control/hipnosis. this last part isn't acceptable, and if it's not the case then the wording needs to be improved. It also needs a better description of the effect's duration/permanence. does it stop as soon as the affected looks away from the flame, does it last for a while afterwards and/or is it a gradual return to normal? does the affected return to their previous mental state or does the previous emotion/feeling have to be reinstilled in them?, if they do return to it is it instantaneous or gradual?, these are important details and additionallyanythign else you may come up with regarding how the semblance functions. I'd also say the way it's resisted doesn't seem to make much sense with how it works, but i'm not really sure it works like i think it does.

- Trivia has an issue with real world references. Even if there's likely to be equivalents, neither shakespeare nor splenda exist in remmnant, so they can't really be in there. The "tik tok dances" are fine though since it's about the dances not tik tok itself, and it can be safely assumed they exist in remnant in one way or another. Also i think you mean ahegao.

Rejected because splenda is an earhtly brand-name product (also mind control)

~RP moderation Team~