Talk:Cyzarine Bluthardt/@comment-24678303-20180309060150

I'm gonna go through a couple things i found in here in order as they are in the page.

First, there's two disrepancies in the backstory. The first is a bit of reality for the story. Slitting one's throat is to accomplish three things. Severing the trachea (wind pipe) generally below the larynx which prevents screaming/yelling. Second It severs the carotid artery preventing new oxygenated blood from reaching the brain. Lastly, it severs the jugular vein allowing blood to easily flow from the brain. If done properly, a human would generally die in about 30 seconds to a minute due to a lack of oxygen supply to the brain. There'd be no way an intense battle would be able to take place afterwords, then still be able to get her to the hospital for treatment, if it's treatable to begin with. I suggest making it a botched job and just managing to get an artery, which if i'm correct would allow a lot more room for her survival being possible.

The second thing is that you say there's a scar on her chest from where a burning knife almost pierced her heart, but I don't see any mention of that in the Backstory. It seems like a rather important thing to mention, even if it did occur within the torture sessions from what's-his-face in there. Also, the heart is roughly 2.25 inches into the chest. Either he stabbed her with a really tiny knife, or didn't go very far for some reason. I would recommend making it miss the heart instead, as that it probably a lot more likely.

Third, the Semblance doesn't seem to have any limits beyond "they cannot move very far away from Cyzarine...Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, the Semblance seems like a straight up JJBA stand (:thonk:). Regardless, it needs some limits to it. It says it's a summoning Semblance, but I don't see anything regarding a cast time, how long it can stay out, or a cooldown between uses. It actually says later on that it's a "sidekick who always have her back. Literally." This violates the no limits phallacy, please correct it. (Also, try and make them less like a straigh up Stand, pls)

Lastly, neither weapon seems to have any limits on how much Dust it can cast. It does state some limits on how powerful the spell can be, but it also doesn't say how much they can do before running out or needing to reload it, so theoretically they could just cast spells all day as long as they aren't too powerful. Add in some limits on how much they can do and you should be alright.

Rejected.

~RP Moderation Team~