Talk:Black Weston/@comment-6975131-20130922003442

Hello Razor! I have decided to review your OC!

Let me start off witht he basics, your grammar and sentence structure makes this page difficult to read, can i reccomend writing the entire page in past tense? as to avod confusion from your end, as well as the reader's.

Him excelling at Melee and Range fighting is very overpowered, and gives the reader a feeling that he has a tool and skill for every situation. For instance, if an opponent disarms him, he can easily over power him with his hand to hand combat skills. If he is fighting an enemy with range specialization, he can easily match them. Second a gun that can last a hole trough an elephant's skull needs a lot of recoil. Even if you said something like "His strength compensates for massive recoil" it would be more believable, and he would have less of a mary sue streak.

For such an elaborate weapon list, his backstory feels like you had a great weapon idea, then went lazy and gave him a lackluster backstory. Leading a team of Hunters without being a hunter yourself doesn't seem to fit in the universe that is established. And it seems like a very Gary Stu type trait. The grammar also makes it nigh on impossible to apreciate the backstory. You do not ever elaborate on his freinds or his siblings, and it feels more like a back cover book summary than a character Background. If you find the time to fix these things, I belive tht you would have a top end character! :D Sorry if the review made you angry, that was not the purpose.