Talk:Emerald Verona/@comment-30530552-20170811170352

We shall continue to tell you this time and time again. Add. MORE. CONTENT. Minimalist profiles tell us next to nothing about the character at all, especially when its this extreme.

You still haven't explained anything on her personality...perhaps you should look at other pages to get even a remote idea of what you could do for her. So far I see...pride and intelligence, which aren't personality traits perse but rather things that could lend to a well-rounded personality.

On the weapon: Do these Earth Dust arrows actually do anything? Adding Dust shouldn't be necessary unless you've got a solid plan for what it does as compared to a normal arrow. Sure its got a green coloration. Woop-de-doo. Anyone could do that with spray paint. Anther question...are these arrows being formed from Dust? If so, where does it come from in the weapon?

10 to 20 minutes for these summoned Sentinels is extremely overpowered for both time limit and strength level, and needs drastically shortened. Who's to say she couldn't just use all her Aura to make 8 of these at once to overwhelm someone? And why is it that specifically fire and electricity damage them the most as opposed to something like Ice or Earth? I would also recommend describing these Grimm to your readers in a slightly more general sense (more about them than you have now, at least) and have them go to the Sentinels page for the super-specifics.

Background is still drastically short, and I find it a little strange that a girl would go into a temple and find a random weapon (with transformation capabilities) in an ancient temple, at a time when the tech likely wouldn't have existed. There needs to be some reason that that bow was there...perhaps a previous Huntsman or such left it there during his retirement? Either way, you need to explain that. You could also do more to explain her early childhood and relationship with her parents. That's not even mentioning the fact that archaeologists bringing their kids to explore potentially dangerous temples with Grimm around seems a little gutsy if dangerous.

You need to elaborate more on these other abilities...she's fine to have them, but I want a sense of scope with her capabilities.

You added the CNR reference to Trivia, so you've got that out of the way.

You still have a long ways to go, friend.

-Rejected.

~RP Moderation Team~

--

Please consult me or one of the other reviewers on our message walls if you need assistance.