Talk:Liath (Alan) Sagonige/@comment-24678303-20150821031739

Firstly, the name is still an issue. Refer to the guides. You're trying to bypass the CNR by giving your character a nickname that everyone knows them as, which has no relation to the character in the first place. This is unacceptable.

"He hates going by his first name and so goes by his second Alan"

Case in point.

While the new Semblance is mostly acceptable, the secondary effect of Dust manipulation is not. You can either have the manipulation or the analysis, you can't have both. I'd reccomend just keeping the latter, since it's a pretty decent semblance in its own right.

Oh, and plus you have the Corrosion and whatnot. Again, multi-purpose Semblances aren't acceptable.

As Sammy pointed out before, the weapon seems to still be too similar to a Canon weapon.

The backstory seems very...Bland. The storytelling was, to be perfectly honest, something i would expect to see from a grade-schooler, or at least the Beowolf attack scene. The rest of it was, as i said before, pretty generic, but otherwise checks out.

Rejected for pretty much all of the above.

~RP Moderation Team~