Board Thread:News and Events/@comment-27603392-20140704110526/@comment-24487330-20140728204304

OK, here goes nothing...I'll start by reviewing Sirce Marion, and I'll review the others later on, if necessary.

Appearance section: This part's kind of double-edged for me. The description of Sirce's outfit is rock-solid with lots of imagery, especially in the little details that sell the realism of each part of the wardrobe. Unfortunately, it falls flat in describing how she looks aside from her clothing; her physical features get a couple brief sentences that would barely pass for a fleeting glimpse in practice. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think the character should be overshadowed by their outfit. Maybe try to add information about her build or other defining features that people would notice.

Personality section: Sirce has a very distant personality, which might limit her ability to work well with a team. After all, taking on tougher creatures of Grimm requires plenty of coordination within a team, as evidenced in the battle between the eight major canon characters and the Nevermore and Deathstalker during the initiation trial in Season 1. If she gets along with her teammates, that's another thing altogether, but I'm guessing it would take some time for that level of trust and coordination to be built between them, so be sure to take that into account in developing her character.

History section: It took a couple passes, but now that I've read the section a few times, Sirce's childhood development makes a LOT of sense. I can't imagine that I would've grown up any differently if I lived her childhood, and when you can sell a character like that, you've got a real solid concept.

Weapon section: First, a very personal pet peeve: why is everyone giving their weapons' types their own names and acronyms? It doesn't make sense to me...

Now that I've off-loaded that bit of personal hash, Sanctuary is a nice weapon with an interesting look and two versatile forms. (I like how the diagram on the profile also illustrates the transformation sequence.) One concern I'd have would be about the stability of the blade section; depending on how it's attached to the hilt in sword form, I'd be worried about having it come loose or break off under significant amounts of force. If I were to expand on any part of the weapon, I'd describe the mechanism that keeps the sword's blade steady in the hilt without too much fear of breakage.

Ability section: Right away, I see something that makes me do a double-take: the mention of Sirce's "medium strength", in the very first sentence of the first paragraph. This potential problem is raised again at the mention that she "can't do much damage with only the sword" in the second paragraph. Longswords are not light-weight weapons and require a good sense of balance, not to mention plenty of muscle, to be wielded properly. Plus, if you've ever loaded or even held a crossbow, you'll know that they're dang heavy and that the bowstrings are far too tense to be drawn back by someone with lacking upper-body strength. I realize that this is a series where a 16-year-old girl can swing around a heavy metal scythe like nobody's freaking business, so maybe I'm just being too literal. Just remember that a weapon is only effective as he/she who wields it.

I see another problem with the use of her Aura allowing her to control her projectiles. Aura can be used to augment hand-held weapons, but one an object is out of the character's hands (in this case, a bolt that's been fired from a crossbow), it's beyond the influence of their Aura and cannot be redirected, augmented, or affected in any other way.

Having audible signals to coordinate with her teammates is a big plus to Sirce's strategic value and, if it works as well as the profile lets on, helps to compensate for difficulties they might otherwise have to face due to her reserved personality (see above, Personality review section).