Talk:Russet Gurgen/@comment-25924729-20191215085819

This is pretty nice for a new OC. There are a few problems, but generally quite okay.

Appearance is alright.

Personality..... Hold on a minute. I really hope "He treats children well especially his girlfriend" is a phrasing mistake, and his girlfriend isn't actually a child. Especially since the next line says they have had sex before. If she is a child, there are a lot of issues there and I'm sure Wikia and our fanon doesn't allow that kind of thing. You should specify the girlfriend's age, remove the part about sex, and change the wording to avoid that kind of implications...

Backstory has some confusing bits at the start. Did he actually kill his mother? And if he did, when and how? It's a pretty big point in his backstory to leave out, and you should include that in the page. There's another issue I'll get to in a moment.

No aura or semblance Weapons should be alright. A bit short and lacking detail, it's not strictly required but advisable you explain more about it. What does the sword look like, what kind of effects or abilities does Dust give it etc.

Abilities have some problems too. It's a bit presumptuous to word it that way. Like, it should be a more general strategy and ability, not specific or assuming how an opponent will react in a particular scenario. He cannot always be faster than his opponents and strike first,  cannot assume every opponent will be defensive while he boxes them. You can make it his general or favoured tactic in a fight, like "He prefers to strike first" or "He tries to force opponents into a defensive position, where he attacks them using boxing skills" and such. You just can't say he WILL always do something or be able to do something. Only try to do something and may fail or have to change his approach.

Another minor inconsistency I found. It says his father trained him to fight, but this isn't mentioned in the backstory at all? His father doesn't seem to have any fighting skills, and if anything, his father hates him and should not want to teach him unless there is a reason not mentioned here? This should be addressed.

CNR works, no other issues found. There is a lot of work needed for this page, but it's a pretty good try.

Rejected.

If you have any questions please DM me on wikia or discord.

~RP Moderation Team~