Thread:KuraiJack/@comment-40226952-20190814021709/@comment-13488655-20190817123252

I'd say 2/5 I can see ou have an idea behind him but honestly everything is so short and vague any effort into telling what he is is mostly left up to readers imagination.

Even in his backstory there was many ways for you to show him growing up as a normal boy, eager to find out about his parents and then researching about them on his own. And then when the voices kicked in, how others started to treat him, how that later affected his life. Was it concern or fear that a faunus called in professional help? How did he even come into contact with the boy? Why would Beacon let in someone with a known mental disorder?

Another note, interactions with canon characters are strictly forbidden. That part about Oobleck has to go. It's also one thing to be a huntsman and another to be a teacher. That requires at least a few years of training. And another thing, why let someone with a semblance that can make him crazy teach kids?

As for weapons, I can't see a cane being even a little bit effective against grimm, even with most of the middle fingers RWBY gives physics. Also, what type of gun? majority of even his fighting style is vague. What combat does he use? Does he have a specific stance or approace? How is he at leading?

Semblance, I have no clue how that will be accepted. Visions of the future most likely will be called out and you may need to change it to something more in the rules of the fanon.

So yeah. Major rewrite most likely needed for higher marks and way more detail.