Talk:Carmot Arken/@comment-31408668-20190304034650

COLOR NAME REFERENCE

Color name reference is recognized. Carmot is considered the element the Philosopher's Stone was composed of, and in most depictions, the stone has a very deep wine red color.

APPEARANCE

Highly descriptive, paints a very firm picture of his look and outward demeanor. Good to see a change in apparance after the fall of Beacon, especially when considering the change in lifestyle. No problems here.

PERSONALITY

Ah, the highly ambitious commander. The old adage of pride before the fall still holds true in his personality, and seeing it change when faced with the backlash of his actions is a good way to show growth. I will say, as a note, you should look to shorten the text down, because it is very dense, and some of it seems very much like purple prose, however, this doesn't detract from the review. No obvious contradictions. No problems here.

BACKSTORY

Oh boy. While his backstory works, I would like to repeat myself; compress the information. This could be said for most of the page, in all fairness. It was good that you explained the DEAC, because that was needed context. I would recommend making a new page for them, but that is besides the point. The mention of Nitro Dust I feel should be expanded on heavily, and it shouldn't be hidden amidst another character's page, because that's what it is now. It should have it's own page with exact effects. No stepping on canon toes. Noted placement in Vytal Festival. Minor problems here.

WEAPONS AND COMBAT

The weapon is within guideline specifications. We have a set of dual primaries in the form of the Godhands and a set of dual secondaries in the form of Godspeed. They are well-defined with exact parameters and buildup, they are well thought out. Carmot is clearly a Dust Caster, in every respect. However, to reaffirm a point again; the amount of spoon feeding of information about the Dust spells is way too much. It could be substantiially shorter, if you were to remove the purple prose and unnecessary descriptors. A scale shouldn't take as long to read as someone's personality. No major problems here.

As for Carmot's skill in combat, I would say it is clearly laid out. It seems to be very inline with his time training and his upbringing. He fights like a Monk/Sorcerer multiclass, which makes it easy to understand. No problems here.

SEMBLANCE

All is Dust as a Semblance, I will be straight with you, is ridiculous. And not in the good way. Not only are the fatigue limitations you placed not enough to counteract making something as volatile and powerful as a Dust Crystal, he has learned to lessen them. I had to sit down with two other reviewers for their opinions and we were all in sound agreement; this Semblance, despite any modification you do, can't work. Because it warps reality. It creates what we think of as a magical energy source out of nothing but his Aura. The only way this could even come remotely close to working is if it was made from existing material at a significantly higher cost to his Aura and vitality.

And before you argue that it would cripple him, let's put this into context: this character can make the most powerful energy propellant on Remnant with the energy of a 30 second jog and a neglible 2 percent of his Aura. With the proposed abilities and volatility of Dust, he essentially somehow transfers this small amount to make an incredible amount of energy. And that... that is broken. Not just major problem, Semblance would need to be completely changed.

CONCLUSION: REJECTED (Semblance considered reality warping, based upon making something we know is powerful from a way too small of a price.)

'''Carmot works as the overly ambitious commander that learns the hard way that ordering friends around is a bad idea. His look is distinct and it works. However, his Semblance is so fundamentally broken, it ruins the character, especially since the main conflict of the character relies on it, even if the Semblance fits well.'''