Talk:Malacus Thuelban/@comment-17970636-20151228104907

I swear you used a thesaurus for this, never before have I read the term "Muscles flow like water", brings to mind a person who has no muscles because they're so flowy together that there's no visibility because they're in perfect alignment with his skin or something, I don't know, you used some really weird phrases which made me question whether they made sense or contradicted with a previous statement. Simpler English can make one avoid such issues.

He needs people to communicate, but is a lone wolf and won't ask people for help. I can't tell whether this is a contradiction or not but at face value, he needs to communicate with people, but is a lone wolf, although you state he drives people away, the fact that he needs communication makes me wonder why he would deny help, or not ask for it in such a manner.

The semblance breaks canon in multiple ways.

First off, being able to transform one's appearance to influence one's emotions falls under mind fuckery, doesn't matter that his eyes and fangs remain, the fact of the matter is, coming nito contact with one's aura and literally extracting this information from their mind is a definite no-no.

Moving onwards, what if they fear the most is a thing, not a person, or does it only capture people the person's afraid of. You're quite vague on the parameters, what if a person is shorter than six feet, does he shrink? Does he grow if the person is above six feet? If so then it falls under body alteration which, once again, is a no-no.

Doing research to find someone's relation makes sense in order to put up a convincing appearance, however, it implaies that his information range is quite wide, wider than many information-based OC's we have on here. And it's also strange because how we he be able to get all the information he needs and store it? Again, vague parameters.

Zero idea of how the examination process works at Beacon, Haven, Shade and Atlas, alter that up.

Rejected.

--RP Moderation Team--