Talk:Roscoe Kitrinos/@comment-23309369-20141211150745

-Note: I am in no way, shape, or form a member of the Reviewing Staff. As such I cannot reject or accept this OC in any official capacity.-



Alright look, I'm going to be blunt about this. Take this oc out of pending. Seriously, it will save both your own time and the time of whoever is reviewing it because this IS landing right back into rejected. This oc's "semblance" is both overpowered, and nonsensical. I mean, does it literally just copy the aura of the enemy and THEN adds its boost just to get a way.....way too extreme power boost in MOST situations? Actually, don't answer that. This semblance doesn't work, it makes very little sense, and is extremely OP even if it was the most logically sound semblance on the site. Having a semblance that is based solely on the power/strength/whathaveyou of your opponent, is entirely overpowered. It basically means he can stomp almost anyone he fights, regardless of that "weaker opponents" shite. Seriously, if the only real limiter is "if used against a shrimp he gets weaker, but is still stronger than them" that is a piss poor limiter for a semblance that just can't be limited to the point of acceptance. How his aura is described is also going to get him the walking papers. This OC might have a large AMOUNT of aura purghaps, but how his aura functions on a basic level is the same as every other pool of the strange magical soul trickery. It's, like Juane horribly exclaimed, like a force field. Putting more juice into the field doesn't make it stronger, it just lasts for longer. Cut your description of HOW his aura works and keep it simple by saying he has a large amount.

His weapons make a similar amount of sense, being next to none. I'm not even going to bother comparing it to Yang's weapons, because we both know how similar they really are. Quick question. How big are these "gauntlet rocket launchers" strapped to this boy's arms? They gloves? Do they go up to the forearm? His shoulder? Do they have so much shit hanging off of them he could scratch his ass by wiggling his eyebrows? There is literally no explanation/description of what they actually look like, how they function or....anything really. There's nothing there. They're gauntlets......cool.....how big? In fact, if they WERE compact, leaning back to that Yang comparison i suppose, then they wouldn't be rocket launchers. They'd be Yang's weapons without a proper explanation for their functions. Conversely, if they WERE big enough to fire a ROCKET, even fairly small ones, they'd be less gauntlet more full limb armor that is clunky to both wear and use. Speaking of rockets. His rocket jump can blow his legs off? His rockets can “destroy a section of Forever Fall" too? Using this weapon causes horrible shockwaves with every str- alright stop. You wanna know something? If your primary weapon can kickstart the killing of an ecosystem and has horrible shovewaves after, what is described anyway, every strike...... why is it strapped to your arms? In fact, what is it attached directly to you at all? Give the schmuck some shoulder mounts and I might forgive it somewhat, don't do that by the way, but his weapon is a massive double edged, radioactive chainsaw that is constantly getting jammed in his face. Let me put it this way. Your self damaging weapon is your FALLBACK..... NOT your go-to. Oh also, if you argue "but his semblance counters that" no it doesn't. It doesn't because the semblance doesn't work either. The "aura tanking the hits" argument also holds very....very little water here. Yes his aura may take one, in fact imma go balls to the walls and say it can survive five rockets. What does that leave him with? Mmmmm four shots being a little too close and suddenly he's on the verge of losing. That fifth is gonna be like the dead man’s trigger, blowing himself up to get the enemies he wouldn't have to paint a tree or wall to beat if his weapon wasn't so self-damaging.

Speaking of which, if you're going to argue that he doesn't use the rocket function in cqc, either by they actually transform into freaking rocket launchers, or he's not too stupid to do that. Then what the hell's the point of even having a gauntlet form? Waste of time, effort and potential. Oh also, how you do describe his fighting style, means he does use the "rocket" function in cqc. This weapon needs to be gutted and reworked almost completely. It's described as a force that shakes the ground with its power.....but somehow doesn't transfer ANY of that energy into the person who literally rocketpunches people. As my grounds for this criticism, I'm simply going to bring up the fact that it is stated he can blow his own legs off with one blast, and simply leave it at that. I know this is RWBY, but logic doesn't just go away when you ignore it, and neither do the laws of physics. Sure we can push the annoying blighters to the door, get them to turn away when there's a small girl swinging a scythle around, but whether they leave or not isn't up to us. Guess what, they're still hanging around. Aura may help keep the characters together and Dust may be capable of some cool shit, but the world still has rules. This OC isn't following very many in the weapon/aura/semblance department.

Not to mention this oc's personality. Cocky and arrogant but doesn't care when he loses to someone.....when he....hates losing? What? Oh btw, omit the entire section about his fighting of Ozpin. He lost the fight? So what? That's like saying your OC made out with all of teams RWBY, JNPR, and CRDL but ran away after so it's fine. It's not fine, it's stomping on toes if I ever saw it. After that, give this OC a more consistent personality, his forgiveness doesn't add up to his arrogance, cockiness, etc. On that note, his "impulse" based thinking also having a warchief's strategy guide tucked away.....despite the fact that impulsive fighting and strategy mix like water and oil under the best of circumstances..... makes no sense. In this context, it's either you're charging ahead or you're plotting out your next move, the two don't mix with this personality well if at all.

Now, his backstory. Yes yes, tragic backstory whatever. You know what poor people often aren't? Arrogant. Cocky. Impulsive. Basically everything this OC is is not supported by his upbringing. Unless he took one too many swings from a drunkard weilding a bottle, he shouldn't be the shitsack he is now. How were his parents even able to pay for the service of TWO, not one but TWO, Hunters/Huntresses? They were poor right? Sure getting a job a starbucks and costco can get your bills paid better than bootycalls, but I severely doubt that cash would sway two random Hunters to take some random kid with a dead friend under their wing. Hell, if they were so friggin charitable why didn't they choose one of the thousands of other kids with NO home, NO family left because the Creatures of Grimm bent them over the table. Hell, that isn't even an exaggeration. This kid got a scratch in the face and his best friend's gutsies got splooshed all over....yeah well Timmy over there got his face ripped off and his entire block got murked...... where's his Batman training huh? Exactly, he doesn’t have it, not from most Hunters anyway. You want this as a plotpoint? Change the fact that they're strangers, give them a damn good reason to give two shits about this poor schmuck over the last kid they passed on their way to his house. Little side note…..that uh....glimpse of a story about that Grimm with the scar? Came out of nowhere.....went right back into nowhere.....might want to either omit that or give a reason to care.....at all. This kid also failed the entrance exam for the......."Beacon in Vale"......ok....there's only one Beacon. That's the name of the school. Not the name of the kind of school, fix that. Back to the topic at hand, he failed once but managed to get in? Plus he's only 16? Yeah.....no, min age for Beacon is listed as 17. 16 would be allowed if there was a valid reason for his year advancement, but if anything he should be a year older than all the first years....because y'know.....he failed....meaning he'd have to wait for the next one.....and I doubt that shit's happening every weekend if you catch my drift.

No, youre oc doesn't fall under the colour naming rule, his first name doesn't seem to be relating to a colour. Not one you've made apparent anyway, and I'm assuming that you pointing out the last name's compliance means it actually doesn't at all. You want to pull some shit from translate be my guest, I'm not doing it for you though. Ok, seriously. Kill every involvement with Canon characters. Yes, all of them. Not just on this page, but on all of your OCs, WIP and completed. Ozpin is only really allowed when it involves a conversation, or similarly lackluster thing. An OC can’t be crushing and hitting on Yang while he’s getting decked by Ozpin, it’s just not how it works here. Just remove it, if not, this OC will not be accepted…at all.

<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif">In conclusion, you have a lot to fix. Semblance imo should be abandoned completely until you actually know what you’re working with in regards to the character. Yes, that semblance will get this rejected. Try actually describing what his weapon is, because that weapon section has next to nothing, and while you’re at it try making it a little more user-friendly alright? In fact, I say you dump the gauntlet function altogether, that or the “rockets” that he uses. That weapon needs a lot of work, and that’s even without mentioning its similarities to Yang’s weapon, which yes it is very similar to. After tweaking that weapon you can get down to actually saying what it is. Size, shape, forms, ammo count, etc. Dump all that canon stuff ASAP, because if for some reason everything else checks out, that sure as hell won’t. Trust me on that. His personality being….well….wonky is not so much grounds for rejection, at least I don’t believe being a scatterbrain gets the stamp, but it’s just strange to read, strange to imagine. Don’t even get me started on RPing as this guy. People see that and they will turn right back around and leave, seriously, it’s a deal breaker. His backstory itself really just needs more detail along with some tweaking here and there, maybe change his age to fit the criteria while you’re at it. Thing is, I can see where you were trying to go with this, I actually do. Trying to keep it brief but also tell a bit of a story yeah? Well you went too brief, and about halfway on the story. There’s enough details there for one to look around expecting more, but find none. That scarred Grimm? Showed up….apparently killed a kid? Somehow? Got a scar….somehow…and then disappeared again….with this OC getting his laces all messed without him dying….somehow. Phobia of Grimm? One that was temporary? Hell, now that interests me. Where’d it go, and when? I’d personally like for this oc to have a more….let’s say “fitting” personality to this backstory and vise versa. To be honest, I don’t see the two belonging on the same page…..at all. Is he like this because of depression? Rage? Did someone steal one of his erasers and that just pushed him over the edge into Angstville? That in mind, those Hunters that taught him? Have no reason to. What the parents go from bootycalls and muggings right to town mayor or something? They’d either need a lot of cash or one hell of a sad story to convince two trained fighters they don’t know at all to take their kid in. They have neither imo. A way to fix this? Tell us who they are. They family? Distant relatives? Two random idiots with a conga line of less fortunate kiddos that are riding their coattails for the chance to swing sharp objects and die? Little more information would be nice is all I’m saying. Then again, him getting extra training changes…mmmm very little in the grand scheme of things. In fact, if they trained his ass for a few years you’d think that semblance of his, which doesn’t work but still, would be MUCH better practiced than it is now, don’t you agree? Plus that damn failing of the entrance exam. Look, if you had really wanted a 16 year old going to Beacon? Fine, whatever. Back it up with some decent reasoning, but more power to you. That age coupled with a failing of the entrance exam? Nope. Not a chance. I may be using the term “exam” very loosely in this context, but the fact remains that if you fail something like that they wouldn’t exactly let you walk right back in to try again yeah?

<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif">Anyway, I think I hit all my points, if I missed something you may hear from me again. Keep in mind, I’m not on the reviewing staff, so I have no power to force or really tell you to do anything. Believe it or not I’m actually trying to help you, not just with this OC but with any others you are making or have made. If you want we can have a discussion about this, but like I said in the beginning, take this OC out of pending. While I can’t force you to take it out, as well as being unable to do it myself, what I can tell you is this OC is not coming out of pending accepted. Trust me, it sitting in there waiting for the stamp is time you could be spending making it acceptable. Which will ultimately benefit everyone. Hopefully some of these points hit home, and perhaps you’ll listen to me and remove this OC before both your time and the reviewer’s time is wasted.

<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt; font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif">If I offended or scathed you whatsoever, let me know. You wanna discuss stuff for your OCs? Again, let me know, I’m willing to help where I can.