User blog:Synchrophi/The Tuesday Of

I was in my Illustrator class earlier this evening. It's a night class where I attend once a week and each class is roughly 3-4 hours long. It was merely the second evening so all we've done so far was some basic vectoring and getting to know the software. The assignment was simple enough that I was able to finish with satisfactory results within the first couple hours and yet I kept scrutinizing myself, trying to see and edit every little detail I could find on a blasted palm tree vector. You could say that I was a bit of a perfectionist, especially since I'm finally in a class that caters fully to my interests and major. But it was so much more.

This is the Tuesday after Monty Oum's death. Monday, I was crying on and off throughout the afternoon, unable to believe that the world has lost this amazing man. I've said so many times now to social media and friends how much Monty inspired me to pursue an art career despite the odds against it. I've said many times how he was far too young to leave when he's barely reaching his prime of badassery. I was upset that I was unable to see Monty when he went to Fanime last year but figured he'll come back someday since he likes the convention enough to be a regular attendee. But of course that's impossible now so that part of my bucket list will never be checked off.

I'm still having a hard time believing he's gone. And I hate having to wake up and keep reminding myself that it really happened. I've just been coping by reblogging a shit ton of Monty-related posts (sorry followers) and trying to find people to talk to about it.

And yet, as grim as the current situation is right now, I'm finding myself even more determined than ever to improve my life.

I'm at the point in my very young life where I'm heavily questioning myself about my choices in school. I thought maybe I could go for a "safer" route and do business while still getting an associates in graphic design. I worry a lot whether or not I'll be fine in the future and am scared of the classes I need to take because I know too damn well of my poor work ethics in school.

But I now finally realized how much it would mean to Monty if I and so many others keep pushing ourselves towards our dreams and not to worry so much. The recent podcast talked about how Monty would keep going at his projects no matter how "perfectly fine" the other guys at RT were about it. He made sure to the bone that whatever he's doing, it's the absolute best it could be even when he's losing sleep over it. And there I was in my Illustrator class feeling Monty's essence in terms of what else I could do to the vectors. I still had two hours left of the class so I gotta make this time count. I made sure every angle was uniform, all the anchors were properly placed, those lines on that truck were perfectly straight. I took those extra hours to perfect as much as I could and made sure I know how to create them at the back of my hand.

It feels good, using this grief to do something beautiful with it.

I know it had to take Monty's death for me to appreciate life and myself a whole lot more. But I suppose he'll never be really gone. His legacy continues with RWBY and the rest of RoosterTeeth. We carry on his soul and spirit as a community and family. And we'll continue what we love to do and make the world beautiful. Monty is powerful like that yanno?