Talk:Team Havoc/@comment-1317707-20140224121736/@comment-24113789-20140225043815

Alright, thanks a lot for the feedback! I showed it to my mother and she agrees that there was way too much exposition, which is probably a result of my tendency to overthink. I also have a habit of feeling like I must cover all my grounds, and then overestimating the number of grounds even exist. And, yeah, my thesaurus is rather dusty...

I understand your point concerning the duel between Hanna and Ora, but I actually deliberately chose not to show it because I was afraid about it contradicting future canon events. It occurs to me, though, that a single duel cannot possibly interfere with canon, since we already know how duels work. Maybe a flashback would be in order.

The actual reason I included the letter from Ruby was to establish Ora's age without saying it out loud. Stating a character's age tends to interrupt the flow of a story even more than I am comfortable with. The only way to avoid this is to have a birthday party; although it occurs to me that I was planning on doing that soon anyway, so I guess the letter can go.

Anyway, thank you for the advice! I will endeavor to revise.