Thread:Delta-06/@comment-37031238-20181109132644/@comment-25924729-20181111012717

Right, done reading, and I have to say:

HNGGGGHH!!! God she's adorable! Must feed candy and protect. :V

Eheh~ right ... On a serious note. The character is interesting. Timid and traumatized characters have been done before, but it's rare to see them with this level of detail, kinda refreshing to read actually. I can appreciate the hard work and passion you must have done to write such a long page. It's incredibly detailed and lets readers understand the character very intimately.

That being said... It's also a flaw. People read OC pages to get information about a character fast and effectively, to know who they're RPing with and what to expect. Long paragraphs and unecessary details get in the way of this and can make reading difficult and frustrating for other users.

The trick is to find balance between descriptive and informative writing styles. There are some stuff that can be shaved off, like the summary of each martial art. A simple link to Wikipedia could work, and most people already know or can Google themselves. I noticed you talk to Kuraijack and Jackwasup a lot. Both are veterans at this, and the latter is especially an OC writer I find really good at writing balanced, detailed and informative pages. You could ask them for tips.

I can't find any mention how old she is, that would be good to know. Also a trivia section and colour name reference is needed. I'd also argue she should have low strength instead of moderate, given she's actually very small compared to a lot of OCs on this site, even the average sized ones. Also, her primary weapon being custom made by the Schnee dust company is against fanon rules on canon interaction. You will have to remove that, or she will definitely get rejected.

Overall, I had fun reading the page. For a first OC she's actually very solid. Nice work :)