Thread:JackWasup/@comment-13488655-20150311184325/@comment-25363089-20160506220335

-hugs back- Anytime.^-^. Okay I just got done reading the first chapter. An may I say loved it. ^-^. So you ready for my review cause here it comes. An I am extremely sorry if it sounds harsh.

I'll start with pros: Over all good first chapter got me hooked right away. Loved some of the characters. Pigu for the win. ^-^*Snort*. Loved the tech refences. It was clear on what it is. Which is tech meets kung fu meets magic type deal. Akumi was cool. The non tech student was pretty sad.(Wanted to tell her/him to just stay down.) Now for the part I hate. Cause this is a great story. Cons: The scene in which Kumi/Hana being trapped by the monster felt cut out if not shorterned a bit. Some minor spelling errors were found but were minor. Overall:Its a great story. ^-^ One I would read to my kids if I had any. Its a rough draft and it shows with some scenes feeling rushed and others feeling prolonged. Some minor spelling errors but manageable. This is a story for anyone interested in it.

Alyssa:^-^Yaay.Hear that stomach its chow time-stomach growls in joy-Yaay.