Talk:Fero Schwarzeklaue/@comment-24678303-20150528124052

Okay, that quote you have is a rather clever poke at that cliché. Kudos for that.

Well, first thing is that rules dictate that you may only have one Faunus Trait. Though, you can generally bypass this when it comes to fangs and the like since, if they are purely for cosmetic purposes and can’t be used as they are by their respective animal (ergo, bat fangs that are too small/dull to break skin any easier than normal teeth), then you can get away with it.

Though I will comment that if both his parents had ears, in most respects that would probably mean he would have some too, unless there is some recessive trait that becomes apparent every other generation on one side or another, but carry on and ignore my exposition. Anyways, aside from the first trait thing, he should be fine.

I would question the fact that the pack broke a law over attacking humans without cause, but it’s not the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen in a History. Plus, it adds a nice bit of realism to it. Though, that’s not the problem here. In the next paragraph, it said that they split and that Fero was the only one who didn’t join the White Fang. But, back up in the second one, it said his pack consisted of three Faunus and one Human. Methinks I spot a constancy issue.

The Semblance seems to be the biggest issue in this character so far. For starters, if I’m correct, if you were to take enough Iron out of your blood to make a full-fledged chain that can be used to bind and attack people with, I’m pretty sure that would kill someone. You’d be much better off making it out of the Semblance Magiks that are ever so used for objects made from Semblances.

Secondly, Semblances that can be used to bind people are generally a no-go, as it would render an opponent unable to fight back. Also, I’m all but positive that, unless he had shrapnel or something lodged in him, I don’t think there would be any other metals in him other than Iron.

The weapon seems a tad confusing, but I believe it’s acceptable.

Rejected for now.

~RP Moderation Team~