Talk:Vincent Raven/@comment-24262164-20140109060526

A lot of things about this character make me uncomfortable. First of all, I rather like this picture. The hair looks good.

For his personality I'd take out this sentance. "So, even at a young age..." because its not part of his personality. Just a result of his personality.

For his powers and abilities I see an problem right off the bat. He mastered anything before going to Signal. I don't buy that. Mastery isn't something you just get through training, its about experience and I doubt your character has it. Note I don't believe other people mastered 5-2-1 either. Becoming as proficient as a sigil student also makes me wonder. I'm just not sure how much that's actually worth. Its fine though. The curve as to what is reasonable for him to know becaomes harder and harder to predict as time goes on.

For the backstory, creating legends is always a heady claim but fine since thiis is for an fan fic (right?). The whole relationship is pretty good.

Something that worries me about his back story is that you never address why hes so intent on protecting people. As far as I know that isn't a feature that people just have and so it makes me wonder how Vincent can have them. In sum I'm missing a motivation behind this character before Eliza shows up.

The weapon is fine. What does the ice dust do? I can imagine but I'd write it out all the same.

I'd encourage you to just tell us if he's dead or alive but I'm pretty sure you're trying to write a fan fic.

Handlebars is a cool song.