Talk:Oliver Browning/@comment-1309458-20140828063335

Alrighty, let's get this party started.

Review - Part 1

There's not much I can say to improve your grammar on. You're pretty solid in that department, though I'd still recommend reading it over to correct any possible mistakes or awkward wordings. Otherwise, good job. Formatting-wise, it looks really good. I'm a bit hesitant to approve of real life "illustrations" but I suppose a reference image is better than no reference image at all. If you can, I'd suggest grabbing an illustrated version of any real life imagery (preferably one custom made for you). However, I'd also recommend eliminating the real life reference images for his gear, as he already has an illustration at the very top of the page showing what he looks like. At any rate, most of this is good, but as with anything, it could still use some work.

Review - Part 2

Overall, I really like Mitchell as a character. He's a military man, born and bred. He's everything that that entails and not much more, which is fine. He works as a character. He's loyal and brave and respectful. He's sorta like Captain America and I appreciate that, because I like Captain America. If there's one complaint I have (and I actually do have several), it's that he takes some liberties with certain things in his backstory. From Vale's suburbs (which we don't know if they exist or not) being not race-sensitive to mentions of canon characters, it feels a little too "off" to me. Also, a big thing that bothers me about Mitchell is that he seems too much of a "real world" kind of character. I honestly think you went too far in describing him as Filipino (obviously, the Philippines doesn't exist in the RWBYverse) and Christian (Christianity obviously doesn't exist in the RWBYverse). It'd be best to be rid of the overly "real world-y" parts. It's just not lore-friendly in any regard. I understand references to the real world in a comedic manner, but anything past that is just way too much.

Of course, the rest of it's really good. I really dig the fact that everything about this guy is supremely military. Even his weapons are incredibly utlitarian and basic, something that I really dig. I also dig the Dark Souls inspiration in the sword, being quite a fan of Dark Souls myself. That's something I really like about Mitchell. He seems incredibly well thought out and very much a realized character. Everything fits within this specific "military" theme. Everything revolves around it. Everything about him complements it well, from his backstory to his personality to his weapons. Everything is very much in sync. So, good job on that part.

I really like Mitchell. He's cool. Good job.