User blog comment:Xanneer/Here we go again./@comment-24911350-20140615200224

There are some issues with writing conventions that make it a bit hard to read still. Actions are occasionally in brackets or asterisks, and thoughts are sometimes in brackets/brackets & quotations instead of italics. These problems are generally things that people  "Grow out of", as writers, which is why I didn't mention it before as it was your first time with your first fanfiction.

The level of detail is a little mismatched as well. Not everything needs to be detailed, I.E. Instead of actually going through a conversation with a shopkeeper with a character to buy something, you could just say "______ returned with a cake from the shop". Don't worry about length in writing, length means nothing as long as it's natural, but stretching it out unnecessarily will hurt you. As KuraiJack also said in the review he mentions, the detail on the environment is quite lacking. These two things in combination put a lot of emphasis on pointless things in the story.

There are still some tensing issues, only at the start of each chapter. The beginnings are a weird 2nd-person narrator, while the vast majority of the story is in 3rd person. This ties into another problem that's still there, which is the sometimes-robotic speech for injected explanation. I get that it's for the sake of the reader, but that kind of stuff just doesn't happen, and it's extremely obvious what you're trying to do. Team RWBY didn't stop in the forest to talk about their weapons and semblances, neither did JNPR, because it's not worth it, not then. The reader really shouldn't be acknowledged unless it's a 1st or 2nd person perspective, it really takes you out of the story if you do.