Talk:Shiro Orcus/@comment-13172690-20160706155508

Ok, there are a lot of problems that need to be fixed here.

First, the CNR rules occurs with the first name. Genesis means "birth" in Greek, hence does not follow our CNR rules. Please change his first name to one that does fit the CNR.

Secondly, while it may not be rejectable, the picture doesn't match his appearance section and vice versa. I would fix that for consistency. Also while on appearance "it also has a infra red sensor installed in it as well as a binoculars and can be used to take photos and recordings". Along with his weapons? Too much weaponry. No RWBY character has held that much with them. Please lower it down to one or none of them in attire. And also, how could he dislike killing if that is what a hunter does to grimm? Id fix that if I were you.

Moving on, his weapons. Way too many forms here. What is he, Inspector Gadget? Please lower it down to three forms please. I see 6 of them and you can use some of those ideas for different characters.

Furthermore, his abilities which probably need the most revision. The stat chart was way too many 10s for a 17 year old. Covering his weapon in deadly poison to kill? Nope, everyone has aura and it wouldn't even take effect since their aura protects them. And mastery of aura along with his weaponry and sniping (with hitting the target almost every time) only at 17? Bring that down a few notches, especially with his number of styles that will change with the weapons comment. And fire cannot melt down everything, there are things that i cannot burn through such as earth or rock along with other things. Not everyone is master of every of everything, especially as a 17 year old.

Now, for his semblance. Creative, however rejected. How does this match up with someone that takes a shadows approach where this one takes more of an upfront brawler perspective? It doesn't seem to have a limiter either of like a cooldown limit before he can use it again. Please put a limiter on something like that.

Lastly, his story. These are the points that need to be fixed.

1)How could a faunus kid get in when all entrances were blocked? If he was able to get in, how could they have not seen him in the closest with her? 2) How could he survive in a desert for 3 years?I can see the reason but that is hihly unlikely for a young kid. Adult i could see but a kid? 3) How could he master aura in 6 years with his lack of experience? it takes 10,000 hours for 6 straight years without slep to master something and more especially if he has had very little experience before. Maybe specialist, but not a master. Would help with development. 4)How could he get recommendation from Ozpin from just his life story? It would also take skill to get into academy.

Overall, a lot of fixing is required and I would look at our Guidelines page to give a better understand ing of a RWBY character along with accepted characters. Once you do and read through your character again, place him back i pending to get re-evauated.

Rejected

~RP Moderation Team~