Board Thread:News and Events/@comment-27603392-20140704110526/@comment-25019125-20140724152938

Sirce Marion

I must first say that through-out reading the profile, there have been small grammerical and spelling errors, but if pointed out, can be easily righted. So those can be pointed out at a later date as it does not impair the reading experience of the character, as it is still easy to follow even with these small errors.

The appearence fits well with the personality that has been given, both expressing the hardness of the character as well as that small gentleness that is present towards others. The bit about her when in battle could easily have been placed in the Ability area, as it has nothing really to do with her personality and is more directed towards a fighting style.

Her history is a bit short but with the added link to a longer tale. However, it covers the basics mostly and could give more details. An example is when she went to live in the woods, it states that she taught herself how to hunt and survive. Now, there should be explaination as to how she had been taught such a thing. This can easily be corrected, as it was earlier stated in the history that the home had been attacked while she was in the library. It could be simply stated that she had known of such things from the books she had read, but it took some time for her to learn as she had only read about it.

Also, as I have stated before, the history speaks of how the home was attack but not of how she escaped the attack. People are very violent when put into a rage to get someone arrested, they would have also targeted her because of her blood relation. With that thought, you should include how she escaped or that she was spared the wrath of the townspeople.

There are not problems with the weapon, it is explained to full detail on how it works and how it transforms. It even included details about the sword needing to be sharpened, which gives a weakness to the blade.

Her semblance seems a little strange, as it directs towards her aura. As seen from other profiles, no one can really manipulate their aura and thus makes this semblance a little confusing. If it were that the arrows glowed with the color of her aura from her semblance, then it would be acceptable but this does not fit with the fandom.

Her name connects to a color, so this fits with the color rule given. An added bonus is that the first letter of her name fits with the first letter of her color. However, this also doesn't quite fit. Since the color indicated by her name is Green, but her color representation is a shade of Brown. It could easily be connected by stating that it expresses her influence by the forest but other than that, it does not connect the name color to the color she is represented by.

Because of the stated flaws above, the character will have to be REJECTED until the flaws have been corrected.