Thread:Elektro7/@comment-28257386-20140529152442

Heres a working link :http://rwbyfanon.wikia.com/wiki/A_Pawn%27s_tale

Alright, now I would like to dispute your criticisms as most of them I really don't understand, and try to explain what I was trying to with my character.

- It says he uses a "Basic energy crystal", but to the best of my knowledge, those aren't a thing. I thought you may have just meant electric, but it mentions using electric dust separately later on. What do you mean here?

. I really do not see what is so confusing about this part. Its just that. Its a basic energy crystal that allows the weapon to shoot basic blasts of dust energy. There are no elemental properties, its just exactly what it says on the tin, it allows my weapon to shoot blasts of dust that damage an opponent. Its basically bullets but as dust.

"The maximum effective range of the rifle is around 700 feet, while the maximum effective range of the shotgun blast is around 0-5 feet for the blast to be damaging, and 30 feet for targets to still be hit by the shockwave, with a firing spread of 90 degrees left and right, and 45 degrees up and down, with a fire rate of about 30 rounds per minute. Any longer distance and the dust blasts begin to dissipate and become weaker before disappearing completely. Zahn is able to shoot at least 100 shots while in rifle form and 50 in shotgun form before he needs to reload a new dust crystal"

- This part is very inconsistent, and weighted to be overpowered. As seen in RWBY, Dust crystals are only a few inches long. divide that by 50 or 100 for 50-100 shots ("At least" says the page), and there's not enough dust density there for any real offensive capability. With the shotgun, using generous estimates for crystal size, Zahn is shooting about a tenth of a tablespoon of dust every shot,, somehow the shockwave has an area of effect that works out to a little over 700 square feet. The difference between what you say is the input, and what you say is the output is titanic.

With the rifle it's not quite so bad, but it's still really bad. One twentieth of a tablespoon of dust is what you're firing with each shot, that won't do anything to anyone. Your magazines sizes are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too high to retain effectiveness, and the spread on your shotgun is absolutely ridiculous.

. This part I really don't understand. While I can understand the problem with my shotgun spread, as I didn't really do any proper math or research on the actual spreads of shotguns, I have absolutely no idea where you are coming from with this talk of math and dust densities. As far as I can tell, what you are basically saying is that my weapon chips off parts of the crystal and then uses the shavings as the actual projectile. That would basically be like if the magazine of a pistol was actually just one big slab of lead and the gun chops of pieces to fire. I admit that a lot of the stuff I'm saying is practically speculation on how stuff works in the RWBY world, but I can't be the only one who takes a little liberty or makes guesses concerning stuff no one knows well. What I was trying to convey was that the weapon HARNESSES the ENERGY of the crystal and the crystal simply disappears with each shot, and that dust crystals have A LOT of energy in them.

- Later on it mentions another crystal that isn't a real thing, the "Sticky slime" crystal. Remember that dust at its base form is just energy and force-- Fire, Ice, Thunder, Impact, Gravity, and a few other types that we don't know anything about yet, there are a set, limited number of types and making up your own is a sure-fire path or being OP.

. Concerning my "making up dust" thing, I was simply assuming that dust would function like traditional magic. It can do all kinds of crazy stuff depending on how you use it. I guess when I added slime crystals, I was probably thinking that perhaps the people in RWBY were able to create artificial dust crystals or mix them together to do different things. I was just thinking that when it came to dust, that it would allow people to do all sorts of things.

- I don't see any problems with his semblance, but at the beginning it says "he discovered he was the proud owner of a semblance", which makes it kinda sound like not everyone has one. Everyone has a semblance, it's just a matter of whether you know how to use it or not.

. This part is weird because I have seen various articles and comments on this wiki saying that "not everyone has a semblance" or at least that you are not required to add a semblance to your character. In fact, for my very team, Team ZEYR, only 3 of the members have a semblance while the fourth just uses her basic skills and natural abilities. In fact, thats her main characteristic in terms of combat. She uses no dust, no semblances, she has a very weak aura, and her weapons can't transform or has a gun form (Though it can launch part of itself as a projectile of sorts). 