Talk:Character sheet base/@comment-25949270-20150101004027/@comment-50.161.100.101-20150313050205

Look, sorry to say this but you are in mary sue territory, I will cover this part first and then the next part later and after reviewing each part I will give advice. Now in name, gender, and race (just so you know it's spelled faunus, but I don't think you were looking at the word as you wrote that so thats okay), even her being a cat faunus is okay as it's not hard to belive that there are many repeats with faunus, and yes your last name is okay as the last name doesn't have to have anything with the color rule. But here is where the mary sue starts, too many weapons, now I don't know whever it's all in one weapon or seperate but it is too many for one person to master, but can be easily fixed as I will say later. Now the semeblanace, now are you basing this on Avatar, thats okay, the elements thing just needs weaknesses and limits, but then there are it's other abilities, now ice is okay cause it's just cold water and it's not blood, metal, lightening, or anything like that, but then theres the shadow bit, now explain to me this, WHAT DOES SHADOWS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE 4 ELEMENTS, this is a retorical question, the anwser is NOTHING, now do you realise that in order to have that it needs a completly different semeblance. Okay, got that rage out... God yang it (pun intened). 'kind of like Yang but way better' okay first off, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. Second off, you do relize how uncreative that is, taking a main charater's personality and making it "supirior". I have nothing else to say so on to the helping

Okay, now to give as much help as I can, first with weapons, then semeblance, then personality.

1, Weapons: Now to anylise and give you how from here you can improve I'm going to copy and paste it, 'a battle axe that doubles as a shield, and a legion guard dao (a chinese weapon), and a sword (that also splits in half for two swords), and a lance, and she also has cains that come out of a meatal "wristband" (kind of like Yangs weapons but smaller)', okay, now first off I would like to point out that wristbands and gauntlnts (bah, spelling) as not alike each other enough for the simularity so you don't have to worry about a weapon choice being a clone, second, there are many great weapons you can choose from here but you can only choose one as a main and a possible other as a backup weapon incase the main is broken, in repair, been disarmed, ect. but you should probably just choose one and if you want a second later when you have the chance to have your disarmed main get destroyed let it or you can make it a second form that she's not quite as good with, anyway out of these lets see your choices, first there is a battle axe that doubles as a shield, pretty neat as it has defensive and offensive down but no range, which is great as each weapon should have a weakness, next is a legion guard dao, looks pretty cool and has close offense down but since it has no fusion with another weapon it lacks in the other catagories but then there is always the dust in it and what the dust does to make the fight intresting, and beshids not all weapons have long range like Weiss's, but anyway on to the next weapon :), a sword that also splits in half for two swords, now that is intresting, while it has no range or shiel defensiveive it has surprise for the enemey as who expects the sword to spit in two and can be used to get an edge in the fight, granted she will have to divide her strength into each attack for each sword but she can all ways put them back toghther for maximume potential for each strike, *gasp* that was a lot of eciting battle stategy, now next weapon (:, now last but not least, the chains that come out of a metal wristband, now you probubly noticed I took out the quoteation marks out, that's because having wristbands as a weapon is extrodinarally intresting, now with that said I don't really have an idea of how it would work so if you choose it I leave it up to you to decide how it works... Oh wow did I really just explain every weapon strategy... Damn, well I can't really sugest one to you so good luck  choosing*begins to run away* Oh wait I still have a semeblance guide thing to make, how long I'm I going to have to make this comment? Well I'm going to make a new paragraph so it's readible.

2, Semeblance: Okay so you want a 4 element semeblance, considering what semeblances are in RWBY I can see this happening, you'll just have to add some flaws and restraints, like maybe the temertare effects whever she can use water or fire (example: warm=fire, cold=water) and height off the ground effects whever she can use air or earth (example: air=off the ground(jumping included), earth= on ground), thats just an idea for it but you can use it, it's your oc I'm presenting the idea to, but you have to take out the shadow bit, it doesn't fit in any way to the elements, but if you really want to use it you can make the shadow teleporting her semeblance instead of the 4 elements. It's up to you what her semeblance is, I'm just here to guide you into creating a good oc instead of a mary sue. Oh wow that was so much shorter that the first one, welp might as well create a new paragraph for consistency.

3, Personality: Okay, I think this may be the easiest part to fix as I have an idea of what personality you wanted, now first of you need to decide what traits of Yang you'll keep and what needs to go, I suggest taking out a good amount of yang's personality to make them their own person, and always remember to add the flaws of the personality, as that's what make charaters intresting to see, now since they are a faunus and faunus are often discriminated how about some of these as examples you can use: instead of social butterfly how about untrusting? instead of loud and proud how about quite and belives what they think is right? instead of party animal how about the person who listens but doesn't talk? You get the idea, make her into someone different from yang, from the main cast, make her into Grey Smitt.

Okay that is the Geat Wall of China of text, I'm so sorry for making you read though all that but I'm afraid I'm proubly going to create a second one when I go over the second part.... So sorry I just wnat to help. Any way onto the next part.