Talk:Viridia Kaltican/@comment-24487330-20140204004323

Hey, glad to see you made it. Here are some suggestions I have to help improve this profile; they're not mandatory by an means, but I hope they're helpful to you one way or another.

Appearance section: So far, you've given us a good idea of what Viridia looks like in her power armor, which is good if that's how she'll usually be depicted. The question, though, is whether or not she'll ever remove said armor for more casual scenes; if so, you might want to describe the kind of outfit she'd normally wear (and possibly whether or not she'd wear the same clothing under her armor).

Personality section: The individual points seemed a bit scattered at first, but after taking the time to read it more carefully, I find that it paints a vivid picture of an efficient, no-nonsense leader with a fierce, headstrong attitude born of her highly-conditioned background. Speaking of which...

History section: Viridia's backstory is clear and concise, explaining what made her into the person she is now and why her power armor is such a necessity. A couple inconsistencies jumped out at me, though. First, near the beginning of the fourth paragraph, I see the name "Valdrana" being used; given the context, I think you meant to use her mother's name, "Indigonia". Second, remember that Sanctum is a low-level academy like Signal, so she should probably have graduated to Beacon or another school of similar level.

Combat section: My first thought is that this section looks lacking in substance. This being a combat scene, you may want to put more detail into these sub-sections. For example, tell us more about how the drill lance can become a gun; tell us if it's more like a high-impact rifle or a full-on cannon. Describe the projectiles fired by the weapon's gun form, and if possible, add some detail regarding the mechanics of those special bullet types. One other thing: you've mentioned that her armor hinders her movement speed and such, but under Strengths, you claim that it improves her mobility. If this isn't just a contradiction, you may wish to elaborate so people don't get confused.

Overall, this is a good start, and I could definitely see Viridia leading a team like Kedra leads Team Kaiser on the GitP scenario, but I think the profile could use some refining. I give this draft a 7/10, but with a bit more detail in the right places, it could definitely rise to 9 or 10.