Talk:Raven Fairwell/@comment-30530552-20171117183945

Alright, so looking at this, this page is very much incomplete. I do see potential concepts working, so let me offer some advice. As a note, Pending is to be added when you are sure that your character has been fleshed out enough to receive general critique or praise.

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CNR is obvious but should be noted in the Trivia section.

Appearance - what sort of clothes does she wear? What other physical descriptors does she have? Is she fully shaved, and if no, what color is (or was) her hair? Is she human, or Faunus? I feel adding a character profile box would be quite beneficial as a base for this.

Backstory should be separate from the personality section unless you are elaborating on a point of her overall disposition. "Was happy and energetic but never talked about her past" suggests someone who was very much rooted in the present, and used humor to distance themselves from the pain of whatever it was that triggered it in the first place. I feel there's content for elaboration there from what little you do have, you just have to get started on it.

While on the topic of backstory, even if in the story context there's supposed to be very little known about her, the people reading your profile need to know what the character has gone through to get a feel for her experiences and what drives her. Story-wise, it will make her much stronger too. It's slightly less important for deceased characters, but nonetheless, they need some context.

Semblance-wise, we already have Telekinesis in canon...how is it different from Glynda's abilities? Is it a poor man's version, or specific to a certain material/object like with Pyrrha's Polarity? You should also consider how strong it is, and focus on practical weaknesses to offset any major imbalance.

A lack of weaponry is an interesting concept. Again, it brings up question on her overall abilities. Is she good at weaponless combat? How advanced is her technique with Aura? Etcetera.

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Overall, you've got a lot to work on, but hopefully, this gives you a few ideas as to where to begin. Since the page is incomplete, it's not going to be rejected--simply removed from Pending until there's enough here to give a proper review.

-Removed from Pending.

~RP Moderation Team~

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