Board Thread:News and Events/@comment-24296957-20150113152446/@comment-24678303-20150113213320

Breyal Yoland

Her apperance and personality are good, but they could use a little bit more fine details.

The backstory seems okay, though an explanation of how she got the scar on her jawline would be nice, as scars are rather permenant and defining features.

Her weapon, as impractical as it may be, is very creative. If i'm understanding correctly, it is basically a spring/loaded boxing glove, which fits her great, as it was stated earlier that she was a comedian of sorts. I like that.

Her Semblance seems unique and fitting enough, though i do have a couple problems with the bullets below the main paragraph. The first one is fine, but the second one is incomplete. The third one bugs me the most, as it rather...Impractical for a Huntress, since half of their job is protecting Remnant against Grimm. Granted, it's not the only threat that Hunters/Huntresses face, but it is still a pretty big one. What does it mean by "highlights more probable weak points"? Does it simply highlight pressure points on their body? Places where they were previously injured? Places where they are simply more sensetive than most? Or is it something like an "Achillies Heel" on people? (Hit the weak spot for massive damage. :v ) Further clarification is reccommended for that.

Aside from her Semblance issues, i saw no problems. Rejected for now, but fix those and you're good.

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Chloe Chroma

Hmm, the second part of the Apperance is good, but the first one...Bothers me. Is there any particular reason for her ability to change her hair and eye color on a whim? I mean, Neo can change her eye color like that, but we hardly know anything about her yet, much less how she does it or why. Plus, the hair is taking it to a new high, and i'm not sure how i feel about that. Then again, i digress. If it were explained, i suppose it'd be passible.

Her Personality looks good. I actually kinda like how you specified how she got her current position at Beacon. It reflects actual Canon and how Ozpin would probably decide on his teachers. Good work there.

The weapon seems alright, though at the end there, i'm pretty sure that's not how embedding Dust into clothing works. To my understanding, it is woven into the fabric, not just coated in it.

There are rules against Time Manipulation Semblances. Besides which, this one just seems rather redunant and a tad confusing. It brings herself from ten seconds into the future in order to fight, therefore bringing her future self back ten seconds...? You could just as easily make a temporary clone Semblance and it would be perfectly acceptable.

I don't see any sort of backstory. Regardless if she is a teacher or not, Backstory is required for all OCs.

Although there is a meaning for her weapon's name in the Trivia, i don't see anything giving the meaning of her name. Also, if you didn't want to make a second character, why did you? Seems like something that you have a choice in.

Rejected for the reasons stated above. I think the guides, as well as some Canon information and help from people in the chat would help you a lot.

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Denver Verde

The Apperance looks good. I like how you were sure to take his antlers into consideration when making his wardrobe.

His Backstory looks good, too. Well thought out, well written and reasonable. Plus, it isn't tragic, so that's a big plus.

I like his Personality. It seems like it's bringing out the Stag part of his Faunus genes.

The Semblance seems a bit...Hastily written, but it seems to check out. Although it's not required, a bit more detail would be a nice thing to add.

His Fighting Style and Weapon reflect his past, interests, and team role well and all seem good.

Everything seems to check out. Accepted.