Talk:Odhran Lyndon/@comment-24487330-20140331150317

Terribly sorry that this is so late, but I was experiencing some downtime over last week. So, here we go:

Appearance section: There isn't much here, but it covers what details aren't provided in the snapshot and provides ample imagery to give readers a good idea of Odhran's appearance. The look of a "woodsman's outfit" is foreign to me, though, so I'm afraid there's some detail lost to speculation. I might suggest elaborating on exactly what composes that outfit, but then again, maybe I just need to read up on fashion a bit more.

Personality section: Short, swift, and to-the-point, just like the character. Again, though, the description is effective in telling us how to expect Odhran to react to others, so there's no reason to call this a bad section.

Abilities section: This is where I really got interested in Odhran. His weaponry reminds me very much of the tools used by the protagonists of the Assassin's Creed games, but with a very RWBY-esque twist that sets them apart from other weapons. The compact pistols are a good idea for limited ranged tactics, and those curved blades at the wrist are sure to have their uses in all manner of close-quarters encounters.

I'm a bit iffy on the elbow blades, though. They might prove a bit unwieldy in all but certain situations, more suitable for stabbing than slashing. In light of that, I'd suggest shortening them to retracting spikes that could be used to accentuate elbow strikes, turning them into deadly precision blows.

Tether sounds like an amazingly-useful Semblance that would really complete Odhran's combat style, but it sounds like there might be some issues with its feasibility. If you are forced to alter the Semblance but want to hang onto that grappling capability, might I suggest augmenting the wrist blades to have a metal cord or chain tethered to the bracers? He could disengage the blades and use the cord/chain to extend his reach, then throw the blades to grip a target or even constrict it with the cord. If you want to get really fancy, maybe try building the pistol action into the wrist blades to turn the grappling hooks into projectiles all their own.

Backstory section: ...Well, there's nothing here yet, so I can't really comment on it. I definitely urge you to try and develop one, though, as they often provide a good deal of depth to an otherwise simple character.

Overall: The profile says exactly what it's meant to say in the least length possible. At first glance, it might seem like a bad thing, but each section is highly effective, the choice of words seeming deliberate in taking up as little space as necessary, possibly to avoid boring readers. There is some info that has yet to be added (namely, a concrete Semblance and the entirety of Odhran's background story), but what is here is quite solid. I give the profile in all a 7/10, but don't be fooled: I'm only docking points for the missing backstory. Maybe you could give me a shout again once you've added that, and I'll evaluate it on its own in an addendum or some such.