Talk:Lyall Averett/@comment-25857155-20150724203400

Alright, you’ve got a good start on the improvements… still need to address quite a few things of course, but it’s a good start.

You still need to explain how Lyall fits the CNR – I get that it comes from the root word for Wolf, but wolves come in a number of colors (from white to black and even to red), after all.

Excellent job on balancing his personality out to make sense – he actually sounds like someone I know.

The semblance… “absorb and redirect” how? It’s definitely better, but it needs far more detail. How much force can it redirect? I don’t need it in physics terms, just kind of give some clear limiters, like what it costs, what it does and does not work on, how long he can maintain it – stuff like that. Can it be redirected (reflected) back at the target or at other targets?

Still the bit about agility speed and endurance… seems like you need to make a mention of his weakness, which at a glance would be a lack of physical strength.

Ok, the weapon is better (good graphical depiction), but I’m a bit confused by the bit about the “anti matter.” Are you referring to an anti-material rifle (AMR), like the ones mentioned here []? Are you referring to the largely unknown and still halfway theoretical Antimatter that is used in a lot of fiction ([]), and has not been seen even once in RWBYverse? Or could you be referring to the (likely overpowered) substance called “dark matter” ([])? I assume you mean the second one, but that raises the question of how a Faunus orphan managed to get hold of such a high-tech weapon. I won’t buy it if you say he stole it from the White Fang or Schnee Dust Company, y’know (or stole it at all). I also won’t buy that he built it himself, unless you severely reduce some of his physical abilities and make technology his strong suit. Or, y’know, just give it Dust rounds or something.

Why did Rose try to take down the new leader? What about his father? He knew enough to successfully run and hide from the White Fang – must be a pretty sharp kid. The rest of it seems alright, if undetailed.