Talk:Alabaster Heart/@comment-1309458-20140905000815

Alrighty.

Review - Part 1

Well, general grammar is solid, though there are a bunch of places where formatting seems a little off and some general awkwardness in the way things are phrased and/or look. For example, there are some double periods, miscapitalizations, and a lack of dashes in appropriate places. Just get those fixed and things should start looking better. The profile itself looks really short. Some added detail would be more appreciated; you don't need to add loads more detail, but it's always appreciated. At any rate, increasing detail and fixing some minor blunders seem to be your biggest priorities right now. I would also advise you to look at some of the more popular characters and try to emulate the way they're formatted; after all, they're popular for a reason. I'm pointing you mainly towards using the "FanCharBox" template, as that is better tham doing what you did on "Profile." It looks overall neater than what you did (and it exists for a reason!).

Review - Part 2

Well, there's a lack of detail regarding certain things about Alabaster, but the general concepts are also pretty solid. I like that he's blind. It's personally something I find is lacking in a lot of ficitonal characters. Unfortunately, it's also something that can be terribly written if you don't know what you're doing. So be wary if you use him in RPs. At any rate, I also like the fact that he's very clearly themed after the White Rabbit from Alice. That's great. It shows everywhere in his profile, which is how theming should work. So, that's solid. Once again, I'd appreciate more detail on the things that are here (expanding on it all would be nice), but what is here is solid. So, yeah.

Solid. Solid work here.