Talk:Rena Corvus/@comment-1309458-20140827060346

This is the first of my "not-super-detailed-and-specific" reviews. Well, here we go.

Review - Part 1

The grammar could use some work. Actually, it could use a whole lot of work. It'd be really nice (and make your profile look even better than it is) if you proofread the whole thing and eliminated anything that sounded awkward. Also, add periods and commas to apropriate places! (Use apostrophes correctly, too!) It would also help to capitalize the letters that need to be capitalize. Look it over, fix any mistakes that you see. It will only make your profile better. My opinion on stat charts remain the same: I'd prefer that they not be used as I think it's too much to numerify someone's abilities. That being said, it looks fairly realistic. I still would have preferred a paragraph. Also, you might want to maybe merge "Weapons and Semblance" and "Fighting style" under "Abilities" just for simplicity's sake.

I'm going to be honest. There's a lot of things wrong with the way things are phrased. You use expressions like "the girl" when simply using "she" would suffice. Or there are some incredibly roundabout ways that you say things, when you could just simply what you're trying to say. Simplicity is key. Simplicity is cleanliness. Simplicity is good for everyone involved. Also, you should probably make sure you're using adverbs and tenses correctly. I'm seeing that sort of mistake a lot these days.

Review - Part 2

Well, I like her. There's a trend I'm noticing with a lot of OCs that involve a strange sort of duality to them. That there's more to them than meets the eye. I see that with Rena. She's someone who you might view from a distance as maybe incredibly stubborn or abrasive. Then, when you inch closer, you start thinking that that person might actually be a teensy bit too crazy. If you dare getting even closer, you realize that there's actually a good person underneath all of that surface-level reading you were doing. Someone who's brave and strong and will stand up for what she believes in. That's what I believe Rena to be. I also think that her backstory works pretty well. There's not much tragedy, just a buildup of things that eventually caused her to be the person that she ended up being. It's something that not a lot of OCs can end up justifying, but there's a lack of it here - which is actually quite fine and realistic.

The weapons and abilities seem fine to me (fix those capitalizations, though!). I dig that she has an entire fighting style that she's concocted and her weapon is creative, but not outlandish. Her Semblance is also simple, yet has purpose. It's hard to find a simple Semblance like that. I dig the references to Snow White and Robin Hood. They're actually subtle enough that they work without overwhelming her character.

Not much more I can say, but good job! You did good with this. No inconsistencies. Fairly realistic. Works well as a character, I'd imagine. Just fix that awkward wording and you're good to go!