User blog comment:Strider Trinity/Finalizing my two characters/@comment-25291880-20141222223731


 * Stares at new OC* Cool, someone asking me for feedback. *Clears throat and cracks knuckles* Alright, lets do this.

-Backstory: A bit...confusing, to say the least. I find it slightly odd that he was allowed to stay at Beacon despite the fact he was not a Hunter in training, considering the fact it's a school built to train...Hunters and Huntresses. And how did he know Antares was his 'brother' or so said family relative? Also, why did he leave in the first place? Didn't he have parents or another guardian of some sort? Your grammar also makes the whole page a bit hard to read, such as when it says "The boys in the class that were bullying Silver only found out that he was a girl by his teacher." This part was especially confusing to understand. Also, in Antares's own page, it doesn't even remotely mention Silver and taking care of him while at Beacon. Another thing I find a bit hard to believe was that Antares can't even cook or clean dishes, a thing to consider doubting when you realize he's a Hunter-In-Training and is able to fight off Grimm. Rule 2 is another part that caught my attention, as interaction with canon characters is not allowed, but since Ozpin does not technically make an appearance in the backstory and only knows about Silver's condition (being a headmaster and all) I suppose that part is alright.

-Personality: Nothing too bad here, except that your usage of a lot of simple and very short sentences got a bit irking. He's anti-social, quiet, and fearful of others because of his past bullying, and I can understand that. However, I'm afraid you've made him a bit too weak. 'Coward when it comes to action', 'A crybaby', 'has the mind of a child...barely leaves Antares's house.' I mean, I know he wants to be a Hunter, but you've put Silver in a position where it seems he isn't really capable of becoming one, and it doesn't seem like Antares is helping much by sheltering his younger brother from the world.

-Appearance: Nothing that really needs fixing with this section, except that you're not allowed to have two physical Faunus traits, and he has both ears and a tail.

-Weapon: Silver's weapon is cool, I admit, but it's also lacking in proper depth and wordage. A staff that can create glyphs which aid his allies in battle, but can't attack, which, thinking logically, is somewhat useless. How will he be able to defend himself in battle when his own weapon can't provide some sort of protection and ability to fight? You also need to describe his glyphs, such as what they look like and how many he can conjure up at a time. Another thing that would be useful to add is if it uses dust.

-Combat: How did Silver become a trained acrobat? Did Antares teach him or did Silver just learn on his own? Another thing is that he has no offensive abilities. It says he wants to be a Hunter, but if he can't even hit or kick how does he expect to even make it through initiation?

-Semblance: While writing this, I realized after some time that Silver technically has two semblances, which isn't allowed.

1.The power of Glyphs.

2.Flash

It states in his weapons and combat section that Silver can use Nightshade to summon glyphs that can heal and boost allies' defenses. Weiss Schnee, for example, uses Glyphs with dust to help in various attack tactics. Her ability to do so counts as a semblance, so Silver's ability to create glyphs also counts as one. However, you've also included another semblance, which is called Flash. Which, I might say, is also lacking in depth, but is okay for now.

-Trivia: Antares had to 'pull a few strings' to get Silver into Beacon. What exactly did he do? Just curious, but it doesn't seem that crucial to add.

-Conclusion: Silver Trinity is an interesting OC, but some of his page is lacking in proper description, logic, and information, not to mention that your grammar is kind of hard to get by. Another very important thing to mention is that Silver is not mentioned in Antares's page at all, which seems a bit strange considering that fact that Silver plays a big role in Antares's life in Beacon. In conclusion, Silver needs some improvements in certain areas. I hope that my feedback helped improve Silver, and happy holidays! -E.E2³