Talk:Hitori Kazami/@comment-24678303-20150307210700

I'm going to start out with the Backstory. I've said it before, I'll say it again. You can't experiment with Grimm DNA, much less in order to maka new Dust Type. Black Dust does not exist in Canon, neither does it here. Plus, you have him acquiring some new powers after being dropped into a vat of the...Stuff. It was looking good up until the back story. I'd say scrap a good chunk of it and go for something a bit more normal that doesn't break so many rules.

Going back to the Apperance, I am iffy on the changing of eye color based on mood, but it otherwise looks fine. Same thing for his Personality, seems well done.

In his abilities, you need to tone down the speed a bit. Wall running is fine, but being able to effortlessly dodge strikes isn't very good. I'd say make him able to evade a bit easily than average people and leave it at that. As for the shadow manipulation, I'd get rid of that entirely.

As for Taka, the concept is good, but you've messed up with the Black Dust again. Change that to something acceptable by canon standards of Dust and you should be fine.

His Semblance...I'd say to scrap it. While the use of Glyphs is in no way unacceptable, the Semblance overall seems way too OP, as it can fall under both Auto-Dodge and Auto-Hit with the teleportation and explosion parts of it. Note that a Semblance is not required at this time, so you can submit him without one if you like.

You have him interacting with the SDC in an unacceptable manor, but that is an easy fix, just by removing that. And what Nevermore Mask? I think you forgot t remove something else here. Still, Taka is a good name for the weapon regardless.

Rejected for the above.

~RP Moderation Team~