Talk:Azurine Zaffer/@comment-30530552-20170716215519

You put in some good work here. Let's have a run-through of what we have here.

CNR works. For future reference, linking to your sources can help reviewers immensely in gettign through these efficiently, and providing no problems. I'm a bit hypocritical about that since I fail to do that myself, and its nothing serious at the moment :)

Appearance is fine.

Personality, if a little contradictory for this career line, works.

Weapon is fine. A question though, do her Dust additions change the color of the aforementioned lasers? What types does she use? It's fine and dandy that you can use Dust, but types are relevant info that you should add for both RP and acceptability purposes.

Semblance seems a little over-nerfed in my opinion. She can only use it once a day? And it requires a 10 second charge time? And that's only for manipulation of emotions and obtaining some level of information? Predicting the move though is okay.

Then the super-charge thing...we don't know of there being an existence of that sort of thing for a Semblance...if you simply mean pushing your Semblance to a previously unknown limit, then its okay...but I still question that terminology. Also, being able to predict 10 moves ahead seems OP. You should probably consider swapping where your limitations lie.

While the Backstory itself doesn't interfere in canon through any unreasonable methods, I'd like to express the length of it here. The point of this section is to try and summarize the major things though a character's life. While I'm okay with long-winded backstories, other reviewers usually won't be, as it's a bit of a pain to slog through unless it's well-written and formatted well, like yours for the most part is. Recommended length is up to 5 paragraphs, slightly more if you need it, a couple less paragraphs for minor characters, so I'd advise you to trim some of this content.

One would also think, with as much anxiety as she's said to have, that a career as a Huntress wouldn't really be a great career for her, as its high-stress, life-threatening, and fast-paced. Not that she couldn't still do it, but I'd still like to point out that it would be extremely detrimental to herself and others.

Overall, solid start here. Just take into account some of the changes and you should be good to go.

-Rejected on: Lack of elaboration on Dust types in weapon, illogical Semblance limitations, "supercharged Semblance," and necessary backstory trimming

~RP Moderation Team~

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