User blog comment:JayHart/Request for Peer Review/@comment-25487720-20150830123126

It seems you've created more than a few OCs so I assume you're not to much of a beginner.

Kaltis:

I find the concept of the character interesting, though I find a few flaws. First of all, his semblance: If you want to get your OC accepted, mind-reading abilities and the likes are a no. It is sad considering it makes an interesting development for the character.

If it's personal preference, no problem, but if I wouldn't write an OC's life at Beacon in the Background section. Describing the first three years of an OC is quite pointless considering you haven't even given him a team yet, and team relationship is a primordial point to Beacon school life.

Finally, as a writer, I think your writing style is lacking organisation. For exemple, his life at Beacon make more than half of his backstory, which make the first half seem less important than it should. As well, developing said first half would help make the character feel more complete.

Camelia:

Now this character's backstory is better written, at least for me. However, I wonder why bothered to write "not established" in the Team and Partner section if you say she isn't affiliated to a school like Beacon. This is even stranger as her backstory doesn't mention registering in any school.

Her semblance has the same problem as Kaltis', however here it's possible to rearrange it. The best when you want an OC to have a mind related semblance is the scientific explanation. Knowing if someone is lying? Reduce the awareness of people? I'm sure you can find a perfectly scientific phenomenon to explain it, and if you're lucky it might not be accounted as a psychic ability.

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Now, that was my opinion as a fanfiction writer. I don't do RP so I don't need my characters to be accepted. But here is a piece of advice: when writing the backstory of an OC, there i two things you must take into account. First, the backstory has to explain how the character ended up where they are now. Second, if you can perfectly imagine a story arc for your character based on their backstory, it's perfect.

My last piece of advise is that the best component to write a good character is time. The more time pass, the more you'll realize what's wrong with your OC and improve it.