Talk:Jet Monochrome/@comment-27743663-20170102200324

CNR checks out.

Appearance, well, it's fine to use some other artist's art for your OC (others have done it), but do a better job of outlying it in the trivia. The way you word it makes it seem like you had the original artist themselves make it for you entirely, rather than you just using from the original media he intended it for. Aside from that, you're going to need to give the basics of how she looks and not just what she wears, which you to do with the blindfold. I'd say move the mentioning of her hair and eyes there so it's easier for people to find. Even if you have a picture, it's still mandatory to give.

A small note though, I fail to see the reasoning for the blindfold, considering oddly colored eyes in RWBY ain't that special, and there's nothing in her personality really suggesting she's that self-conscious about herself, given she even goes around wearing clothing that's see-through on certain occasions. But that's just me, and like I said, it's just a note and not really relevant.

Personality is fine.

Backstory, there's nothing really to show that inhaling Dust filled air will poison you, and even if it did cause this certain effect. From what you describe, she essentially lost all pigmentation around her head (plus blindness), which reaaaally doesn't many sense scientifically speaking. If anything, from the one case of inhaling Dust we've seen back in volume 1, it would just cause further explosions. Dust is essentially crystallized elements, not some dangerous military chemical that will alter DNA.

Weapon is fine.

Semblance isn't. Teleportation semblances in the first place are tricky, and need to have a max range of distance, which you give, before throwing it out the window entirely by giving the one hundred miles incident. It doesn't matter what happened afterwards, the fact it's there and contradicts the earlier given limits is the problem.

Tl;dr

Rejected on:

- Dust poisoning shouldn't really be a thing

- Semblance limits contradict

Additional notes that aren't related to the rejection:

- Move mentioning of basic appearance besides side attire, such as hair, eye, skin color etc. up in the appearance section. It's mandatory, and you to do it, but you mention it further down rather than there. Looks better organization wise.

- Better outline that the art isn't yours. Just saying it's from the artist makes it seem like they made it for you personally, which isn't the case.

~RP Moderation Team~

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