Board Thread:News and Events/@comment-24296957-20141130191712/@comment-25555436-20141201221039

Alright, since I've nothing better to do for now, I'll review at least one of them. I'll start with...Amet. (This comment was written as I read his OC Page).

Ametista Revfold Kying. I'll be honest, it sounds like you made a Marty Stu and wanted the world to know. His page says he's male, but Ametista is a very girly-sounding name. I also don't know why the f must be silent when pronouncing his name, but that part is not important.

His weapon's name is Potenza di Fenice? Power of the Phoenix, more or less. Interesting name. Fenice is also a theater, it would make sense if Amet had some artistic abilities. His title, Shepherd of Fire, he seems to have a fire motif. Normally, one would make his color a shade of red or orange, I'll give you props for breaking the monotony.

Though one thing I saw on his traits was that his "special skill" was kindoturi. I'm no expert in languages, but it sounds japanese, or at least asian. I don't see why it should be like that. I mean, you could have given it an italian or english name like you did to him and his weapon. It would have fitted him much more.

Since his color is a shade of purple, and purple is a popular color for Mary Sues/Marty Stus, I'll read his page with a bit of salt.

1-Appearance:

Fits him. It looks good enough, gives him a "merchant of Venice" look, and based on what I've read of his background so far, makes sense.

2-Background:

-Dust Shop family? Known for their battle tactics? That practice a spiritual meditation? I don't know if the Kiyng clan is supposed to be Dust merchants, noble warriors, or spiritual knights.

-Members of his family dissapearing once the WF became terrorist-wannabes, it could be interesting if further developed. Was it pure coincidence? Or was it really the WF responsible? And if so, why did they attack the Kiyngs? And more importantly, how did they beat (if they fought them) such apparently strong knights? I swear, if only the WF was as competent in the show.

-So he forged his transcripts to enter Beacon. Careful guys, we got a Jaune Arc over here! Ok, now to get serious again. At least you gave an acceptable-enough justification for how he could do it, though I wonder something: Were his skills not enough to enter the normal way?

3-Personality

-Calm and dilligent outside combat and alone, happy and open around his friends, he will try to be your friend if he trusts you, and keep trying no matter how much you like it. However, he knows when to get serious: Combat. Like it so far in this aspect.

-I knew he was socially awkward. His "calm and dilligent unless around friends" already showed me.

4-Abilities and Powes

-So, his semblance just increases reflexes and through them his precision on attacks? Seems a bit...boring, but practical.

-So he uses Aura for offensive, defensive, and to seek out enemies and stuff through heightened perception (Though I'm sure Aura already does this passively). This brings a potential weakness that could be used for drama: His relative dependance on Aura. Depending on how much he uses Aura in combat, he could be like a character that is stronger the more HP% it has, if we take Aura like HP, which means if his Aura is low, even if he himself is not injured, he could lose part of his combat effectiveness.

-So he focuses on attacking the enemy before they can react effectively? I don't know if smart, or reckless.

-So his weapon is a greatsword that turns into a rocket launcher...Out of universe, it seems like someone just wanted to make a super cool weapon for a super cool guy, and just picked 2 cool weapons and combined them. Not going to get points for mind-blowing idea.

-So the cartridges load into the hilt...I suppose it means inside the hilt. Considering a greatsword's average hilt's longitude and size, I hope his weapon does not take much energy from the Dust.

5-Fighting style

-So he's focused on attacking the enemy from afar, and when it gets close he deflects, counters, and sets distance again. Smart, but what if it's an attack that's just too strong to deflect effectively? I hope he knows evasion.

-Wait, so he can also fight effectively without his sword, he can also fight hand-to-hand with his gloves, that also allow him to: Form a barrier, and shoot Dust from them.

-It says that he can insert Dust balls in his gloves. Now, let me ask you something: What's a Dust ball? Has it ever appeared in the show? Do you even know if they exist in Remnant?

6-Weapon: Potenza di Firence.

-So it's a greatsword that just happens to be able to be wielded in 1-hand with no problem. I'm starting to think you're making Amet too OP, some balance may be necesary. At least you justified it, that's more than what others do.

-Wait, so the Dust balls are inserted in the hilt? It, doesn't make much sense when thinking about it. I mean, he's esentially inserting a Circle into a Rectangle. And I'm sure it can't be small Dust balls, they wouldn't have enough energy to last a long fight, probably not even a medium-lenght fight. Unless they are incredibly small and he inserts like 20 or more, that way they may last, but the economical costs may also increase.

-Guao, Potenza di Firence really sounds big. Is Amet compensating for something? Were all his ancestors that wielded that sword compensating?

-Now, I don't understand something. It says that when turning into rocket launcher, the sword's blade splits into 4. However, a sword, even a greatsword, has a very slim blade, not much bigger than paper. So, even if it split in 4, I don't see how it could work like a rocket launcher. If it was like Monster Hunter's greatsword, then maybe it could work, but we both know his sword isn't like those.

-Wait, so it was the faunus who made the sword? Now I wonder if it was the Faunus who were compensating. Start crying girls, Sun may have outstanding abs, but he may not be so outstanding down there.

-Wait, why didn't he choose to modify it, at least paint it? "Change who he is"? Really? It would make the weapon like he is, not change him. At most, it would be like trying to change what his predecessors were, but apparently that's not the case.

-Now I wonder: If in the Kiyng clan, in 1 generation, there were no newborn males, only females?

7-The Kiyng clan.

So, they are merchants by day, badass warriors by night. And equalitarians, too. They sound a bit like Mary Sues, but it would depend on the individual more, so for now I'll say they seem very easy to like.

Also, "Kiyng"? I know you wanted to make it sound like King, but I'm sure you could have thought of a stronger-sounding alternative. At least it shows they are the superior guys and girls around here, which just makes it all the strange how the WF (possibly) were able to make most of them dissappear.

8-Themes.

You have excellent taste.

9-Trivia

-I'm sure everyone can see his name is a shortened version (actually, the first half) of Amethyst. And just for a bit of extra info, Amethyst is also Ametista in spanish.

-So he listens to music to focus. Wonder what songs does he hear. I'm sure it's something calm and artistically majestic, like RWBY Universe's Lindsey Stirling.

-So his self-taught fighting style was his Hand-to-Hand combat style.

-I'm conflicted in this one: For one, the White Fang, based on the show, are almost all of them very weak mooks, so I can't see how such a badass clan like the Kiyngs could have been murdered by them. However, since the WF do get many big steps of badassery in Fanon, they may have been strong enough in his story to kill his family. But if they helped Faunus constantly, then why would the WF have any reasons to attack them? I know they aren't smart, but at least they should know that that clan was helping their own people.

-So he practiced with the Grimm in Vale. It's good combat practice, the Grimm in Vale are so weak they could only kill you if you did very badly and were injured, and Amet had training and inteligence. Good to see the biggest combo you can make without fear of getting squashed.

10-Personal Opinion.

-He needs a nerf. He seems very strong all-around, combat-wise, having strengh with the greatsword, long-range with the rocket launcher, nice CQC combat skills when not using his weapon, can form defensive barriers with his gloves, and if the Rocket Launcher ever runs out of ammo he can launch "Dust Balls" (Really, that sounds just so stupid when you say it out loud) from his gloves.

He's also smart, analytical, and has good reflexes. And the only possible weakness he could have, the weapon's weight, it's countered by the convenient fact that it is made from a light-enough alloy that the weapon can be wielded like a normal 1H Sword. And to top it all, he's ambidextrous, so if he loses 1 hand he can use the other one.

Combat wise, he's too perfect. Nerf please.

Now, other than that, he seems like an interesting character, with a misterious background that is equally interesting, and could make a nice enough plot for his character arc if further developed. Personality wise, he seems nice enough, though his "I trust you, so I'll be your friend and defender, like it or not", I'm sure that would be very annoying for others.

I'm also wondering, why did he have to forge his transcripts to enter Beacon the "dirty" way, if he's so OP he could just take the exam with no problem like the rest?

I give Ametista Revfold Kiyng, a 6/10 until he's nerfed. Once he's nerfed, I'll change the score.