Under the Vale of Night

Under the Vale of Night is a radio show running saturday nights from eleven till midnight. It stars the voice of Alyysa East, and the show is actually funded as a parody news show by the Vale News Network.

Ratings for the show in the past tend to be high, but there was a brief hiatus while the hostess moved to Beacon. These are the show's transcripts, and Alyysa does her own writing, often inspired by the things happening around her.

Week 2
"Hello, Beacon, and what good chance you stumbled across my little portion of soundwaves, reverberating through the air in a beautiful and invisible manner. I am not the voice from above, or below, unless that happens to be where your radio is currently located. I am Alyysa East, and so long as you choose not to change the dial on your radio, I'm going to deliver you the happenings that you may not know, or don't know that you don't know. Welcome... To Under the Vale of night.

Our first bit of news comes to us from the fountain in the back areas of the campus. You know, that place nobody seems to talk about, go to, or acknowledge its existance? A few people have come up with reason to believe that that area is no more than a figment of our collective imaginations. They've been testing the area to see if they can really prove that it's real. Then again, if that area isn't real, what proof is there that I'm real? Or any of you? I know that I'VE certainly gone back there... Unless... Could I have merely gone back there in a dream? My... The water and the bloodstains sure seemed real. When I went out there in the midst of the night, just moments before, there seemed to be a loud metalic clank, perhaps of a blade meeting metal... In the minutes it took to locate though, nothing remained of the sound but memories and crimson stains on the floor. I can only imagine how others experienced that dream...

In other news, Old Lady Tephie, one of the janitorial staff, has claimed to have spoken with a crystal of dust. It claimed to be an angel, born from the dust, and perfect in every way. Tephie claims this particular Dust is stronger than all others, and manifested into a massive blue skinned bodybuilder. Unfortunately, before it could be reached for questioning, it conveniently hid back inside the Dust crystal, perhaps to emerge another day. Or observe.... Observe us all. Especially YOU, Cassie Levina. You, with so much to observe... You may be able to hide it from us, but let's see how you hide things from a dust angel that may or may not exist.

Hold on... I'm getting a breaking news report from Happy Jack's daycare, on the corner of Rolliand and Jayne street, next to Mark's Pizza. Apparently, a pack of wild dogs have made their way into the daycare, and have attacked the children and staff. Casualties have been avoided thus far thanks to the complimentary pepper spray and assault rifles given to every child attending the daycare. Attacks from the wild dogs are believed to be related to some sort of gang violence, and we can only hope the dog gang does not gain small arms of their own.

On that topic, today's show is sponsored by Mark's Pizza. There's no pizza better than Mark's... Absolutely NONE.

This just in, in the dog's hasty retreat from Happy Jack's daycare, they moved westward, showing that they were merely covering up a larger crime. A large tag has been spraypainted onto the side of Dust Till Dawn, depicting a Boarbatusk wearing a top hat while riding upon a unicycle. Hey, it looks like the wild dogs are quite good artists, too... Underneath the amusing little picture are words saying "this city is unBOARable." Oh my... While the pun is a bit ham handed for my tastes, it seems we're dealing with quite the libertarian street artist gang here.

Now then, while I wait for more information on these cute little corgi rebels, I'll give the rundown on a few key events happening this week. Monday is Turtleneck day in the Beacon Library, and just a reminder that late fees have gone up to the point where the fee exponentially increases daily. Fingertips are accepted and count as a ten dollar substitute.

Tuesday will be the annual Vale fire department parade. Remember to leave all gas stoves off while you attend, as ALL Vale fire fighters will be too busy parading to save your home.

Wednesday is a fitness and health seminar in the auditorium of Beacon, delyed from last week for the fried chicken and cigar seminar that took its time slot.

Thursday, Ozpin is planning a rainstorm, so regardless of what the weather network tells you... Pack an umbrella.

And of course, Friday, oh glorious friday, is that day of the week again where Requiem works out in the local Beacon training area. Come an hour early for preffered seating, and consider bringing body armor. Can never be too careful with the girls who watch him work out...

That's all the events this week, but next week is sure to be packing just as much heat. Now, authorites are trying to catch the dog gang, which has thus far been unnamed. They've contacted dog specialists, and.... Oh wait... I'm being handed a piece of paper, thank you, intern Dylan... Apparently, the pack of dogs have escaped outside city bounds, and as it turns out they were actually NOT in fact, dogs... Merely very hairy criminals. Oh well, common mistake. And here I thought that word on his shirt, reading "thug life", was merely clever patches in his fur. Alas, it is a moot point now, as the gang has made it to the forest. Pray for these street artist gang members now... For there is no telling what gruesome death awaits them in the forest.

But I digress, I think the moral of the story is to ensure your pets are all fixed to ensure a more resposible pet. Just bring them to a Vale Veterinatrian, or to Mark's Pizza. Mark likes to cover a wide spectrum of careers, and can work as a Veterinarian, surgeon, private detective, male stripper, and of course, the god of pizza making. What a guy, that Mark.

And now, Alyysa's science corner. Did you know that a soccer ball going over 140 kmph is capable of decapitating a normal civilian? Niether did I until last summer. This has been...... Alyysa's science corner.

Oh, the mayor of Vale himself is making an impromptu press conference in regards to the dog-not-dog gang that was terrorizing the town. He said with a furrowed brow and sweat pouring down his face. "There was no gang at all. Merely leaves in the wind people mistook for a gang of violent criminals." I'm sure little Isaac Runnle, age 4, would beg to differ, given the stab wound on his lower torso, but who am I to question our mayor? If he says it was leaves, it probably was. Silly us.

And upon us so soon... It is the late hour of midnight. My time is up, but remember... Professor Port will be checking homework tonight. Unless you're a girl, in which case he's checking it now from your window. Good night, beacon, and may the Vale of Night take you."

Week 3
To be written and performed on air...