Thread:Aldrasos/@comment-27332019-20151205182543/@comment-25389303-20160101142959

Man, you update the page so much I'm losing track of what to look at. Let me go through it completely again. (This may take a while).

The appearance is fine. No problems there. Though, you mention that he is a 'young man', but he is in his fourties, which is middle-aged. I'd have thought a young man would be late teens or twenties.

For personality, I don't see any problems with it. I am a bit confused though, and I'm trying to decide whether he is an evil person or not. He seems a pretty ok guy, and just hates the Atlesian military. The 'fallen hero' persona is a nice touch though. That being said, it says he prefers to die in a fight, but is geared towards running away from one when things get dicy. I'm guessing you mean he would prefer to be dead then get captured by Atlas, which is fine.

For equipment, remember you can only have 2. The lab and bombs make one, and the saw makes two. You might want to make sure that 'traps' are just planted bombs, though, to show they are not a third weapon.

For abilities, everything seems to check out. The Semblance is a lot more detailed, which is good.

Fighting style is good, except for one thing. You should remove the ricin pellets, since an umbrella gun would be 3 weapons. A ricin bomb would be fine (albeit a bit pointless) though. Especially when you consider Aura prevents projectiles actually entering the body.

And finally, for backstory. This is the part where I really can't judge, since I'm not a reviewer. My main concern is the revolution (even though it was my suggestion). It hasn't been confirmed when it took place, except that it happened after the Great War, which was like 100 years before RWBY. His age could easily be adjusted if need be, so that shouldn't be a problem.


 * takes a deep breath*. Well, that took a while. Overall, nothing really reject-worthy, but (another) few minor corrections. Provided you don't make, like, seven more edits afterwards, I think you should put him in pending. It has been a long time coming, after all.