Thread:JackWasup/@comment-4974591-20160807192222/@comment-4974591-20160813215200

Takeshi kun21 wrote: Backstory is mostly fine, just a few things to be addressed:

1. His parents want more from him, and expect him to achieve higher than becoming a Hunter. Do they want him to be, a diplomat, or maybe enlist in the Atlesian Military? Why did the both of them want to control their new son's life entirely, rather than listen to what he had to say? I'd say elaborate on this area a little bit more.

2. What reasonings did his parents have against Viridin to become a Hunter? What made him want to be a Hunter in the first place? Did Viridin mention this aspiration to his foster parents at all?

Depending on how old his foster parents may be (maybe in their late 30's or so), they might have had a son of their own originally and lost him due to the cruel life that comes with being a Hunter. If younger, it could be that a close friend or family member to the both of them died in battle against a Grimm invasion.

3. The acceptance letter from Signal Academy: did his parents know he applied before the notice came in? Did they punish him for the thought being put in his head? What was their reaction the day it came in the mail?

Training alone in an abandoned part of town I can believe, but there's no way of hiding the letter from a known combat school. You mentioned that Viridin ran away from home anyway, but what sparked this decision? Why did Viridin run away now, opposed to an earlier moment in life when the townspeople gave him crap to deal with?

4. In the 2nd to last paragraph you still have "Beacon" in there, when the rest of the backstory talks about Signal Academy.

That's mainly what I think a reviewer on site would mention. A character's history can be a bit hard to elaborate upon, or even to just create, but like Jack said you can definitely ask anyone in chat or take a gander at other OC's. If you do hop in, see if anyone might have a character with a similar backstory. Oh my effing god! This is just getting really embarassing now? I can't believe I didn't stop and think about any of the stuff Takeshi just pointed out. Oh my god...