Talk:Obsidian Thanos/@comment-24678303-20150612145936

Okay, for starters, you put the CharBox in the wrong place, so the formatting is all wonky.

Secondly, commas commas commas. Seperate some of these things with periods. It makes things much easier to read.

Now, to the content itself. The Appearance is generic as can be and the clothing is black and red, which is generic and looks really edgy. Not much to say, as there's not much written here.

The personality...No. 'No.'' NO. '''We are here to make our character have personalities and be actual people. This is a soulless killing machine, the exact thing we /don't/ want. Not only is this unacceptable by our standards, it looks bad in general. Do not do this.

Generic tragic backstory. His parents faught and taught him to, then were killed by Grimm right in front of his eyes, then he vows to take revenge on them at all costs. This is SO GENERIC that it could very well be considered plagiarism in its own right. I give this a flat out no.

Generic gunsword, by the looks of things, with a generic and edgy name. You didn't even bother to list its capabilities.

The Semblance is a straight rip-off of Blake's Semblance, so no.

'' "Obsidian's angry personality and the names of his swords are both references to Ares, the greek god of war." ''

No, it's really not. It's based off every edgy character that ever was thought up in the RWBYVerse. Thank the gods he's not a Wolf Faunus weilding Tonfas, but still.

So yeah, tl;dr this is just a 2D character attempt with minimal effort put into it at all. Do yourself a favor and read all the guides on the front page, then look at Accepted Characters for reference.

Rejected.

~RP Moderation Team~