Board Thread:News and Events/@comment-27603392-20140704110526/@comment-25291880-20140829013105

Reviewer: ElectricEnder222

Person Reviewing: Idina Caliber

I'll review this in sections:

Appearance: Nothing wrong here. This part is well described without overloading the details. Her outfit says some things about her character, as they seem a bit expensive, and definitely top of the line material. (Her coming from a rich family and all)

Personality: Her personality is good, but not the best. Her sadistic nature and cruel method of doing things is somewhat understandable from what happened in her past, but at times it seems a little too exaggerated. Sure, she got hurt and who wouldn't be devastated from what Tristan did? But I think you took it a little overboard by making her so mean and domineering, even after she got her revenge on her ex-boyfriend. And to suddenly warm up to her teammates even though all the pain and heartache is hurting her? You need to explain if the bond she formed with her teammates took time, or if something happened that changed her perspective of them. Also, other parts of this section seems to contradict themselves, such as it saying that she's flirty and playful, but doesn't really believe in long love or having a deep relationship. So why would she flirt and tease all the time? Near the end of the section, also it just abruptly states that she's good at cooking and making desserts. The history part of your article doesn't mention learning this, so you may want to add it there, or move it to that section.

History: History makes a character, which is why I love doing this part for OCs. Idina was born in a wealthy weapon company, sort of like the more techno/inventor Weiss Schnee. Her past explains her personality well, such as why she is spoiled, but it lacks more depth and detail. Like how her mother is never mentioned, what happened to her? And it also leads to a few plot holes. How was Idina able to access her family's money by leaving home and becoming a mercenary? What did her parents think of this and when did she return? Also, how did she get into Beacon? Did she apply and have to go through an exam, or did she just use her family's power to get in? I'm saying it's bad that you left these things out, it's just that it makes it a bit confusing. But, besides these parts, I enjoyed reading about Tristan's betrayal and how things went downhill from there.

Weapons and Abilities: Weapons fit for a fashion girl. Decorative yet deadly boots that can shoot lightening. I like it. BUT, there are some things I would like to point out about her abilities and weapons usage.

1. The first sections tells us about how she uses her weapons, as well as how powerful they are. But I would like to know more about their history. I suspect they were made by her but it doesn't actually say in her history.

2. This is where a stat chart would come in handy. They're not mandatory but they are useful for explaining your character's strengths and weaknesses. In this section, Idina's aura, strength, and speed would be helpful here, as this part of the article isn't written very deeply. And that's not a bad thing, but it can make the page bland or flat when someone reads it. I would also like if you explained how she fights, and how she defends herself, as shielding yourself with shoes isn't always the most efficient. Can she dodge well, or avoid shots fired at her with ease?

3. Dancing. You may want to add this in your history since it's not mentioned there. It's relevant because it's part of how she fights.

4. Her semblance. Idina's semblance is a little empty, so I suggest filling in that part a little more. It's important to give semblances a time limit, as well as how much energy it takes to preform the task, as sometimes this can change the character from under OP to over OP. Another important thing is to say how long it'll take until they can use that power again.

5. Back to her boots. It states that Guilty Pleasure is able to use other forms of dust. If she uses other types of dust, does that mean she can shoot ice, or fire, or just anything in general? You may want to change that part or specify what it means more.

6. Idina's gloves are able to absorb the lightning, but how do they return the energy back? It doesn't go into depth about how they manage to do this. I suggest expanding that section so we can get a better understanding about how they work.

In conclusion about her weapons and abilities: I like how you described her weapons looks and how they work. They seem to match her dominating personality quite a bit. Her abilities, however, are lacking in detail, so that is something that needs to be worked on.

Grammar: Grammar in a character article sometimes defines what kind of author the person it. I'm not saying that when you make a mistake it means you're a bad person, but just that people have to be cautious when typing and to make sure to go over what they're about to post. I found a couple of errors, nothing big, but I would like if you fixed them please.

Section: Personality: "She is also a bit spoiled and won't hesitance to spend a lot of money..." needs to be "a bit spoiled and won't hesitate"

"Idina is very over protective of what belongs to her, included her teammates" needs to be "Idina is very over protective of what belongs to her, including her teammates"

Section: Weapon. "Guilty pleasure can be charged other dust types as well" You need a "with/by other dust types as well"

Section: Abilities. "She has high pain endurance, able to fight long battles" needs to be "She has high pain endurance, so she is able to fight long battles."

"Since Idina is taught to dance" needs to be "Since Idina was taught to dance."

Overall, I like Idina Caliber and how you made her, but some parts of her article seems empty and bland, while others have a few plot holes and grammatical errors in them. Her fighting style and ways of using her abilities, besides her weapons, needs to be added to before she can get accepted, as well as her personality being sorted out.

-Because of the reasons above, rejected.