Thread:Xanneer/@comment-24911350-20140528211733/@comment-28257386-20140530150055

All that is really good advice, and I will try to use your advice should I ever begin writing again. But, again, there are some points that I'd like you to elaborate on and points that I want to explain.

I'm not exactly understanding the points you made with Zahn. As with most writers, at least among the most green of us, we often put a bit ourselfs into our characters, and Zahn's tendency to talk outloud to himself is kinda based on myself as I think outlouad a lot too, at least in private. Now that I think about, I don't think I wrote him talking outloud to himself that much. To be clear, if dialouge has around it, thats thought. And the point about how I wrote him could use some elaboration as I don't quite understand what you mean that he doesn't seem believable or that he seems too happy go-lucky or whatever. That was kinda the point I was going for when writing the team in general as their all supposed to be a very immature or at least childish team that can really "serious-up" when the situation calls for it. If you can, please point out a few examples of Zahn that didn't seem right.

As for the point about Showing and not Telling, I learned about that a long time ago and am well aware that you should always try to avoid it as much as possible. But during the part where Yin and Zahn were explaining their weapons, I made sure to set it up with Esther asking them to explain their weapons to her. Aside from those two points, everything else you said was alright and very helpful.