Thread:CalibrationsMan/@comment-933831-20150821232333/@comment-26564632-20150822025652

Well, you may have put effort into the character, it's just not very good.

The problems are in the backstory, such as his inspiration to help protect his people. If he went by walking by the school each day looking at all the Hunters in training it would make sense if he was inspired to become one of them, especially when he made his weapon. Speaking of which, I hardly doubt a teacher would even consider helping someone who wasn't in school a specific school to make their own weapon, despite if the Barth looked a bit tougher than the rest or not, it's really irresponsible even if he was also trained BY a student who should be mastering his own weapon/skills. He also "accidentally" designed it poorly, when he was only able to lift it with both his two arms. Apparently he only had one chance to make it and not any other ones. Nor is it questionable how his father never questioned it or even if he found out.

You also say that Remnant's militrary says that you have to have every finger in order to join or be allowed in the military. Surely he could have been in intelligence or something along those lines when he lost his arm. Especially during his time in the military is what I highly disbelieve. Such as going to somewhere he knows he's not supposed to, he should have known better than this otherwise it'd be completely idiotic. Not to mention when he and Movina were captured there were no Codes Of Conduct which do exist when someone is taken prisoner in the US Military. If Movina was part of the US Military she would have broken numbers two, three, four, and five, basically stated that if taken a prisoner of war; the person will not give in to submission. Looks like she was hardly even cut out for the Military if she could hardly stand an interrogation and she ended up dead anyway.

You also mention the fact that "Faunus" were normally peaceful, which is not true at all unless this took place a before the change in leadership happened. Which you never mention when it takes place especially since if Faunus started to join the White Fang and become terrorists, the Military should be one of the first to know, you also never mention if the people Barth and his "team" were captured by were part of them or not. I put quotes around team because I doubt if Movina was actually loyal to them she wouldn't give away two members positions thus killing them, pretty sure gangs are more loyal than that but hey I don't exactly know.

Next is what happened after that, if Barth had difficulty lifting the weapon as a pre-teen/teen then he should by no means have difficulty using with one arm after his years in the military. I assume being in the Military would mean he would gain more strength thus having to use it with one arm being no problem or maybe he could, oh I don't re-design the weapon? It's not like he would have to

I also have trouble at identifying an actual age when he got into Beacon, at most parts at the story actually and even with a teacher's help from Signal I would assume he could go out on his own considering he does have military experince. They don't just other people you know, not in Remnant.

With all this it's hard to call this guy is an intresting character especially his morals and an inconsistency you make in the parts before his backstory, such as when Barth "set out" to make up for his lost arm when really his friend came to him and gave him the brace or perhaps not telling his team they shouldn't go investigate something when they can't even go to that place to begin with or my favorite part "he tends to brutally honest and snarky, no matter WHO he's talking to." Yes, with someone with morals would really put his friends in danger at a choice he could've just said no to and if you say it's because he's been in life or death situations before then he sure has a big ego.

You may have given him a color and a back-story but the name already belongs to a Canon character and the weapon is hard to believe it actually exists, not how it works but mainly how it came to being.

You may have put effort into the Oc himself and he would be a good character if not for multiple things about his backstory that don't make sense. If the backstory was changed a bit where he was, I don't know basically a teen when a teen when he joined? Then maybe I could believe it. You also put way too much " edge"  into writing the backstory, it's like i'm reading a bad Batman comic/fanfiction. Basically: "Why did I do this? What was to gain from it? I put too many people at danger, well it won't happen again."