Board Thread:News and Events/@comment-24296957-20141130191712/@comment-25291880-20141203023323

I gave this a try on the other reviewer want-ad thing, so I'll try this time again. I'm going to review the character in sections.

Jiat Blaine

Appearance: Nothing much to say here except that you should probably mention where Jiat keeps his weaponry, as this is not mentioned in the Weapon section of the page.

Backstory: A computer guy since birth, Jiat grew up in a very technology-run family by the looks of it. His history is great, as it explains his tech-savvy attitude and his way of life in detail, but doesn't go overboard. However, one of the things that I find a bit out of place is his parents' extreme encouragement in doing possibly illegal things like hack into networks and such, as even that seems a bit too extreme for parents to want their child to learn and carry out at such a young age. Another part that I found a bit vague was the explanation of why Jiat wanted to enroll in Beacon, as it doesn't really explain why he wanted to go, but instead says that he knew that his technology could protect people, and then he sent an application. Your information on how he spied on the WF and discovered more about them is also interesting, but it doesn't really explain how he helped people by doing this or how it motivated him to apply to become a Hunter. Also, how does this show why he went to Beacon? I can probably guess that he decided to enroll because he knew his technology had 'protecting the innocent' covered, but it is a bit vague on the reasoning behind going in the first place, so you may want to add to that or go into depth more in the particular area.

Personality: A somewhat anti-social guy, Jiat's personality is understandable because of his upbringing, and he has a hard time conveying his plans to his friends, apparently. However, the personality section is a bit lacking in depth and proper details. Personality is one of the most important parts (Albeit from History) of an OC, as this part of your character let's people know who she/he is and how said OC does certain things. Jiat's personality section lets me know that he isn't the best at social skills and is not the best at expressing his thoughts, but, besides these two points, that's about it. There are no other words letting me know how he acts in battle, or if he displays any traits or other noticeable attributes that make him who he is. All that the reader can find is a somewhat socially awkward guy that is smart.

Abilities and Powers: Unfortunately, not much is said in this section so I can't review it a lot, which isn't a bad thing, but it just means you have to add more in the future. His aura is a faint gray color and he has an above average amount of aura. But, these are the only abilities/powers that are written in this section. I won't go on criticizing how you need to put more information in. Instead, I'll just give you a list of things that will help improve your OC's overall characterization.

1. Strengths: All OC's need some good strengths, especially those attending a prestigious/hardcore monster fighting academy. Because Jiat is a tech-motivated/tech-savvy guy, I suggest adding his skills in computer hacking, code making, and other technology related facts. Another subject to consider is adding info like if he's fast, strong, or has other crucial abilities that he has learned over the years.

2. Weaknesses: The part of a page that helps decide whether or not your OC is an OP Mary Sue/Gary Stu. Is your OC lacking in verbal communication when on the battlefield? Is he physically weak or a big dumb? Weaknesses has to balance out the strengths, and it's a vital part to add. Most of the time I list my strengths in my OCs, and then try to counter them by writing down another list of opposite and negative traits.

3. Semblance. Of course, though, adding one isn't necessary, but remember that when you do Jiat has to go back in pending for a re-review. Semblances basically relate to an OC's weapons, skills, and enhances their ability in battle, so remember to keep this in mind when creating one.

Fighting Style: You did very well describing how Jiat preforms his fighting style, as well as how it fits into his weapon usage. Overall, a good section that fits this OC.

Weapon: Just for starters, nice job naming your weapon. In terms of describing your weapon's functions, as well as all of SWAG's details, I would, once again, say that you did very well in this part. However, in terms of dust, I think that it would be useful to tell what kinds Jiat uses. Also, the two daggers that he wields, where does Jiat keep them exactly? And where/how exactly did he acquire these weapons? I'm assuming that he built them at his old training academy, but it's just something that I would like to be clarified.

Trivia: After searching for 'Jiat', I wasn't able to find how this name relates to a color/means a color. And, although his middle name and last name both mean a color, Monty has stated that the first name must follow this rule. Sorry, but those are the rules!

Final Verdict: Unfortunately, there are several parts of this OC that need to be fixed, but, with a bit of tweaking, it should be fine.

1. His personality section, as well as his abilities and powers, are lacking in information.

2. His name does not relate to a color nor does it stand for one.

-Because of the reasons above, rejected for now.