Talk:Gwyr Whyte/@comment-30530552-20171019220417

Let's take a look at this...

Your CNR reference needs to be mentioned in the profile somewhere, no matter how obvious it might seem, as per site rules. Once it's listed on the page, this will be passable, given what I found.

Appearance is fine.

Personality works.

The Weapons + Abilities section has a few grammatical and spelling issues, but it's still readable. If you're going to put your Semblance in a slightly more detailed section, I recommend formatting it so that "Weapon Detailed" and "Semblance Detailed" are subcategories of your overall section.

For the weapons, I would recommend downsizing a little bit on your ammo types, or combining soem of the more similar ammunition as one round type with variations.

Semblance-wise, can you explain a little more specifically about how much of an increase he receives for his perception? It's fine to equate it to a bloodhound and the Semblance itself is fine, but without an estimate or an exact amount I can't properly judge its strength.

With the Backstory, I'd like you to elaborate further on his origins up until now. Additionally, you say he's training to be a Huntsman, but you have not mentioned which of the schools he's attending, which is important since 2 of them are closed until further notice, and 1 got destroyed and is in the rebuilding process.

Overall, there's a few issues that need resolved before a resubmission to Pending, but you're on the right track so far. Keep it up.

-Rejected for the above reasons.

~RP Moderation Team~

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