Talk:Bulls-eye/@comment-4809613-20180306194913

This chapter has seen good improvement. I like how Pheo had to move his men to be killed in battle against his better judgement. There's still more to improve. How did he notice the arrow? How did he truly feel when his general ordered him to move his men to die? Was it fear? Anger? Powerless? Hopeless?

Also, one does not simply "kick" someone out of an army. I believe there's a different term for that. "Court Martialed"? Oh, discharged. It's discharged. Pheonix had been discharged. Well, maybe not a good arguement, but the general's words weren't exactly effective. There may be a better way of making that scene. Like the general slapping him across the face and telling him that he's been discharged. In this case, unlawfully.

I will be expecting Pheo to hate himself dispite how skilled he is. Hating himself and the general who practically gave him a death sentence before he survived a blood bath that flashed by. He didn't see his men die in front of him, but he heard everything... and felt it. That's enough to break someone in real life.