Thread:JackWasup/@comment-22439-20140829170946/@comment-8182065-20140915224610

Okay I had time to look it over, sorry I took so long. I just spaced out the backstory into a few paragraphs for now and made a few grammar edits up til the last 2 paragraphs. So getting into the juicy stuff, basically he was hunted down by a few older teenagers, wearing masks, along with some other children around his age.

Apparently they must've been apart of some cult as they killed some of them off (by Grimm as well as some of the traps that were set), or it was a prank taken too far; it sounds like the first one. This is where his other self comes out for the first time, fearing that Nickelae would be killed, he fought back, though as Lucian. So he doesn't actually have memories of his deed, but remembers seeing their dead bodies.

After a couple of years, his family moved back down to the city and enrolled Nickelae in Signal, and then continued on to Beacon afterwards.

It's good, I like it, there's just a couple of holes that need to be patched up. Like the older kids: it's leaning towards they were a part of some cult, so maybe give the masks they were wearing some description (can't really say Grimm masks, since the White Fang took those already). And if it wasn't a cult thing, was it some weird ritual they had always done at the village (like something that needed to be done traditionally, for superstitious reasons), or a prank that went a little too far (maybe some sort of hazing/initiation)?

It would also be good to mention how many people he killed exactly. He couldn't have taken out all 19, especially if they were all in the cave at the same time. I'd say, maybe at least 3 at max and the others were off elsewhere.

And this last bit, nothing with a hole in it, just he needs a reason to go to Signal in the first place. I'm sure his parents enrolled him and all, but was it his own choice to go or his parents? I say this only because there's still the option of a non-combat oriented school if his parents wanted him to continue with his education. I know it's touched upon when he's 5, but some kids don't normally stick with the same dreams for that long.