Talk:Koray E. Nightingale/@comment-30530552-20171106190211

Let's see what we've got here.

CNR reference noted in Trivia, checks out just fine.

Appearance is slightly contradictory, given you define him as "lithe" which is typically thin, supple, and graceful whereas in the next paragraph you offer his weight as "whopping" 180 lbs. I also noticed that the profile says he is 180 lbs, but the actual description says he is 108. Given the context, I presume you forgot to add the "y" to eight to make eighty, but either way it needs to be fixed. Otherwise, no issues here.

Personality makes sense.

I will note as a side note there are some notable grammatical and spelling issues, but this in itself isn't rejectable without extremely serious impairment of reading, so compared to some people I can comprehend what you wish to say.

His combat utilities make sense with his age and collection of Dust knowledge, and you do say he's in pretty good shape so I won't detract for that. Similarly, his weaponry also works, but you need some more information on what it does and how he can use it. I will note that since he hasn't gone to combat school, that this might affect his level of skill, but what you have makes sense.

The Semblance in itself is acceptable, but I feel like you haven't fully defined the limits of his ability to an acceptable extent. How strong are these birds?, How many hits can they take? etcetera.

Backstory retains the grammatical and spelling issues, but I can generally make sense of it.

Overall, decent start. A few issues that need to be addressed, but nothing too serious.

-Rejected.

~RP Moderation Team~

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