Thread:SableSkies/@comment-5999656-20160116002724

I'm not askng for anything this time, but I happened to read your profile page with all the ideas for Argence, and it's just so interesting that I was thinking of adding my humble opinion. I also saw your notes on Dragon One, so that was very pleasing as well to know that you're putting legitimate effort into making her a good boss ^.^

Onto your AU! I feel like Argence and Zaniphilos are quite opposite in terms of tone and world: Zaniphilos leans more towards the political and gritty vision of RWBY's Remnant, whereas Argence is much more ambitious, supernatural, and otherworldly, and focused on exploring a mysterious magical universe. It also looks to have a much better climax than Zaniphilos ever will, and the depth of your protagonists' adventures and character development is much better than I'd initially perceived reading just the Argence page!

Your OCs have an attention to detail and uniqueness to them that makes them feel much more 3D and human than the majority of other OCs here, in my opinion. I kind of wish they had some art or something just so it's easier to visualize them, but your descriptions are very detailed so this is in no way required. The inclusion of several fantastical locations not found in canon really helps to build a world separate from that of Roosterteeth's. I look forward to exploring Cerivane, the city of steel!

Although perhaps you didn't intend to, Argence is most certainly a magical vision of Remnant. I personally enjoy it much better that way. Although it looks like the story will start slow (obligatory initiation chapters, y'know? No one likes them :P) it should get very interesting if you stay motivated and patient ;)

Getting more focused, I noticed that your story revolves around three teams at Beacon, which means a total of 12 recurring characters. From personal experience, it gets very difficult writing for a large cast especially if they're in a situation where all 12 are present at once. Although you are focusing on the three leaders in particular, it might get hard to make the other members seem likable and purposeful to the story. Satellite characters always feel like wasted potential to me. But since I'm not familiar with your planning, feel free to ignore this opinion.

Fleshing out a good idea on a Wikia page makes it feel like you've got the universe and story mostly complete, but I've learned that summarizing a story versus actually writing it are completely diferent levels of knowing one's imagined world. I hope you'll enjoy putting the incredible amount of thought it takes to tell a fantastic story. You've definitely got the basis for it down already, so I just wish you good luck! And if you ever feel like you've hit a wall in terms of ideas, just know that you've got something really special here that I look forward to learning more about! Have a good day ~ 