Talk:Albastru Aripa/@comment-23309369-20140126202551

Before I begin my review I've gotta say that I don't think this OC's species of Fuanus is considered canon, however I won't focus on that.

Note: I am not a member of the reviewing staff, as such I will be putting my own opinion into this review.

I'd just like to point out that there are things I like about this OC and its page, he seems to (in my opinion) have a few quirks that would make him a bit interesting, his appearence is well explained too, though I don't see how him wearing shorts and bandages "increase stealth and mobility". Is he wearing bandages of +26 agility or something? Well I guess this should get started about now...

This OC's page seems a bit streamlined, its straight up missing a lot of content,what I really don't like is the fact that his backstory isn't actually a backstory, it's just a small article of how he got into Beacon and it, quite frankly, doesn't explain anything of value. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt with the bit about not many people knowing what his life was like before he started going to school, fair enough, but I will not ignore the fact that Beacon would have NO reason whatsoever to just accept this random kid who showed up in the streets of Vale and they sure as hell wouldn't give him a scholarship for having " Grimm fighting abilities", because it is still a school, and schools have rules. Now I can understand if you immediately look back at how Ruby got into Beacon and try to convince me to change my opinion with that, but you need to understand that dispite being moved forward a few years, Ruby still attended combat school, and it seemed at the time that Ozpin accepted Ruby into Beacon because of personal reasons and not solely from her combat skills, as impressive as they may have been at the time. With this thought in mind, I highly doubt that some seemingly random, quiet kid that turned up in the city out of the blue, would get the same treatment.

Also, this OC's weapons and are an... interesting choice to say the least, but I need to ask why there is a wire attached to one of them? A machete, including curved ones, are not made to be thrown in any way, shape or form of the action, they lack the weight distribution to land effectively and are therefore inneffective when used in this way. And while we're on that subject, why does only one of his weapons have the wire? Wouldn't having multiple weapons with a wire work out a bit better? I don't mind the bit where the weapons combine to form a large throwing star, its an interesting premise, but I'd much rather you not use the term "machete" to describe them when not in this form as a a machete is designed for slicing vines and foliage and serves little to no use in an actual combat scenario. I suggest trying to reword this.

Furthermore, this OC's semblence...why....ok....I'll look past the fact that that aura may or may not be abe to do this....but I still have to ask....why? I understand the use for a stealth unit...I do I really do, I can see how it'd be EXTREMELY useful for an assassin or for a merc...but this OC isn't an assassin OR a merc for that matter...he's a student...at a school for killing large, often lumbering monsters that can rip a human's limbs off in in a single swipe. This is NOT a good semblence for this environment...not in the slightest....if he WAS a merc or such it would make slightly more sense since he'd be against other humans (most likely anyway) and he could move around silently or cancel out the sounds of what he's doing, it would serve to be VERY benefitial....but he isn't working to steal or assassinate people....he's learning how to kill monsters and if this was his semblence he wouldn't last ten seconds because his semblence wouldn't aid him in battle, and seeing as he is strictly a cqc fighter with VERY little ranged capabilities he'd need to get up close and personal with enemy Grimm, something he would regret doing.

While we're on the subject of his abilities, he has NO section for his fighting style OR his team role for that matter, now you can argue that the team role isn't required, but you should still put it on the page if for nothing else to let us know just a bit more about him. However, do NOT even try to argue that his fighting style is not important, I can see that you described how he HOLDS his weapons, but not how he USES them. Does his style change depending on what he's fighting, does he sometimes only us one of his blades, can he hold his own without them, etc, are all (in my opinion) VERY important details for an OC. Not to mention we have little to no details about how he moves in a fight, is he quick or slow, does he block or dodge, does he have a lot of agility and dexterity or is he grounded and clumsy are all details that are not here.

I'd suggest changing up the backstory to make it more plausible, give us more details on HOW this OC actually fights and try to reword the details on the weapons. I think I've hit everything I meant to say, if I forgot anything I'll let you know.

P.S. This OC doesn't seem like he'd be very good to RP with, he's extremely quiet for one and his semblence wouldn't help him in an actual fight if he was in a combat RP. I've met very few people who are good with this kind of OC, but if you think you can handle it by all means try.