Talk:Bernard Förstner/@comment-30530552-20170819180024

Alright, let's take a look here.

While its fine that the last name is your main CNR reference, you need to have either the first name, or some sort of combination of the first and last name to have the reference to fit the color naming rule. That said, I'm pretty sure there's easy associations to be made with bulls, but you'll need to list it in Trivia.

Appearance is really badass, and I really like it.

Personality works, no real issues there. Like how you made it seem like the type of personality a bull would have, or by extension, someone with the sign of Taurus (a bull).

Weaponry: To be clear with this, he fires the shotgun in order to increase the velocity of his swings, correct? Because "through the use of Dust" makes it sound a little bit confusing, despite the fact that's fundamentally what guns in this universe are powered by. Additionally, while its not unbelieveable to have secondaries like that, they still seem a tad unnecessary (or at the very least, the exploding part). Besides, if you accidentally activate one of those things, that's a fundamental hazard to one's health, even with Aura.

Fighting Style is just fine. I like how you provided the chart as well, plotting his strengths and weaknesses visually. While not necessary, it's quite helpful.

Semblance is decently thought out for the most part. Is there a time limit to how long he can maintain each? And additionally, what happens if you combine both direction change and increase in gravity? How long would that last? Overall, it needs a little more detail so it can pass w/o issue.

Backstory, the end portion before the Fall of Beacon was put in the present tense, which makes it a little weird sounding. Ages would have been helpful to get a scope of where he was at each point in his life. When did he start logging? How soon did he reach his large stature? When did he go to and attend Signal? When did he go to Beacon? I would ask that you add some ages or at least a general scope because that makes things much more clear, and makes it less likely to be mistaken for interfering with canon, which I don't think you intended and i don't really see save for unclear wording.

Overall, there's a few things that could use some work, but you're well on your way to gettign this accepted.

-Rejected on: CNR for first name missing, questionable Ursa traps, Semblance missing a few key details, and unclear scope of time for backstory.

~RP Moderation Team~

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